Category Archives: Strange

Ear Way In Hay Ee Thay Uney May

While waiting for #1GF! to get out the door this morning, I was sitting on the bed and singing to the baby. “Ear way in hay ee thay uney may. Ear way in hay ee thay uney may.”

#1GF! snapped out of her morning routine for a second. “Wait. What are you singing?”

I shrugged and repeated. “Ear way in hay ee thay uney may.”

#1GF! shook her head. “What is it? Did you make it up?”

It wasn’t an invalid question. It’s not entirely uncommon for me to make up songs. “No, I’m singing ‘We’re in the Money’.”

“Oh my god.”

“It’s Pig Latin.”

“Oh. my. god. She knows a handful of words and you’re already branching out into Pig Latin? Is that a good idea?”

I shook my head. “It’s from this movie from 1933 called Gold Diggers. Ginger Rogers sings it.”

“So…you’re singing it in Pig Latin.”

“She did too.”

“No, she didn’t.”

“Oh, yes she did.”

“In 1933.” #1GF! dipped her chin. “Riiight.”

“Really. It’s an old-school, big-production dance number until the camera gets right up in her face and she starts singing in Pig Latin. I’m telling you. It’s really weird.”

#1GF! shook her head. “How do you find these things?”

I mistakenly thought it was an actual question. “Well, during a writing break yesterday, I was looking for a little history on Esquivel, and Wikipedia called him the ‘The Busby Berkley of Cocktail Music.’ So, I was like, ‘Who the hell is Busby Bixby,’ and—”

#1GF! patted my chest. “Okay. I have to go.”

“You’ll see. I’m going to find the video for you.”

She kissed me as if she were patting my head. “Love you, gotta run.”

“It’s real,” I muttered as she walked down the hall.
Continue reading Ear Way In Hay Ee Thay Uney May

Overheard at A Restaurant: The Geishan

Mom: You should’ve seen this cute Chinaman that I saw the other day.

Daughter: Ma, you can’t say Chinaman. No one says that anymore.

Mom: What? Well, what am I supposed to say?

Daughter: I dunno. Asian.

Mom: GEISHAN? Oh, come on now.

Daughter: Aaaaasian.

Mom: Well, what’s wrong with Chinaman?

Daughter: It’s like Negro. No one says that anymore.

Mom: Since when don’t people say Negro?

Daughter: Oh, a long time, Ma.

Mom: Well, what am I supposed to call them, then?

Daughter: Black or African American, I think.

Mom: African American? They get TWO names?

Daughter: Yes, Ma.

Mom: Two names. What Am I then?

Daughter: You’re still white, Ma.

[Indian waiter delivers food and walks off]

Mom: Is he a Geishan? Because he looks black to me.

Daughter: Oh, dear lord.

I Pity The Fools

1. Find Fools.
2. Pity Them.
3. If they deserve extra pity, have a certain someone drop by to pity them for you while you’re offline. Ungh.

This is what happens when I’m left alone all day with nothing to do. It’s hard to look away from though, isn’t it?

I’m Going To Dyer You Up The Dyer

I recently had the following conversation with #1GF!…

#1GF!: [Underappreciated Worker] just told me that he’s thinking of pulling a Dyer right now. He’s going to make “Dyer” a verb like “did you hear about [co-worker who quit]? He just Dyered yesterday.”
Me: Awe. Some.
#1GF!: It made me laugh.
Me: It’s the opposite of getting Dooced.
#1GF!: Why’s that?
Me: To get Dooced is to get fired for your blog. To Dyer is to suddenly quit for your blog.
#1GF!: Here’s a quote: “Well, now I’m going to go home…drink beer, and dyer all over my bathroom floor”
Me: Wait, what?
#1GF!: He used it as a verb.
Me: Wait, now “dyer” means “throw up”?
#1GF!: He just said that he wanted you to know that using it just made him feel better.
Me: Does “dyer” mean “suddenly quit” or “throw up”?
#1GF!: Quit at first, then throw up.
Me: Hold on now. You can’t just randomly throw a word around and have it mean anything you want. English doesn’t work like that. You can’t say things like “It’s Dyer to Dyer a Dyer, To Dyer a Dyer that’s right on Dyer. It’s Dyer…it’s Dyer (Dyer) Dyer (Dyer)”. This isn’t the f’ing smurfs.

The title, “I’m going to help you up the stairs”, was changed to illustrate potential problems with this new linguistic proposal.

The Secret Lives of Stormtroopers

Are Imperial Stormtroopers really the disposable, brain-dead killers that the media makes them out to be? Contrary to popular belief, very few are. For most, Stormtrooping is just a way to pay the rent and keep food on the table. Because of its potential negative impact on the Empire’s ruthless image, this information has always been a tightly guarded secret.

Until now.

Thanks to some recently obtained photos, we now have indisputable proof that when they’re not out crushing the Rebellion, most Imperial Stormtroopers live their lives just like you and I.

What do they do when they’re not on duty? We now know that they…

  1. Go to parties
    Stormtrooper balloon
  2. Take Hawaiian vacations
    Vacation Stormtrooper
  3. Hang with Buddy Christ
    Jesus Stormtrooper
  4. Run marathons
    Stormtrooper runner
  5. Shop for groceries
    Grocery Stormtrooper
  6. Moonlight at Starbucks
    Starbucks Stormtrooper
  7. Cut it up on the wheels of steel
    DJ Stormtrooper
  8. Ride merry-go-rounds
    Merry go round Stormtrooper
  9. Chill with fish mongers
    Fish Stormtrooper
  10. Hang with French maids
    French Maid Stormtrooper
  11. Go to the mall
    Noodle Stormtrooper
  12. Eat noodles
    Haircut Stormtrooper
  13. Get haircuts
    Meeting Stormtrooper
  14. Attend business meetings
    Subway Stormtrooper
  15. Ride the subway
  16. Rock out with Kiss
    Kiss Stormtrooper
  17. Smoke weed
    Tye Die Stormtrooper
  18. Write advertisements
    Nude Stormtrooper
  19. Make some extra cash pole dancing
    Stripper Stormtrooper
  20. Get hassled by the man
    arrested Stormtrooper
  21. Kick around their lawyers
    Beating Stormtroopers
  22. Check their blood pressure
    Blood pressure Stormtrooper
  23. Hula hoop
    Hula hoop Stormtrooper
  24. March in parades
    Parade of Stormtroopers
  25. Ride amusement park rides
    Amusement park Stormtrooper
  26. Harass Spongebob and his stupid square pants
    Spongebob Stormtrooper
  27. Attend VW car shows
    VW Stormtrooper
  28. Check tomatoes for signs of small, penetrable ventilation ducts
    Tomato Stormtrooper
  29. Audition for Reservoir Dogs
    Classy Stormtrooper
  30. Have breakfast
    breakfast Stormtrooper
  31. Eat in cafeterias
    Cafeteria Stormtroopers
  32. Patronize weirdos
    St. Patty Stormtrooper
  33. Sneak a peak at your junk when you’re drunk
    bathroom Stormtroopers
  34. Catch gnarly waves
    surfing Stormtrooper
  35. Pwn N00bs
    video game Stormtroopers
  36. Listen to Van Halen and wonder, “WWDLRD?”
    Van Halen Stormtrooper
  37. Go book shopping
    Book store Stormtrooper
  38. Hang out with their brother the imperial accountant
    lawyer Stormtroopers
  39. Play with Barbies
    naked barbie Stormtrooper
  40. Chill on the porch
    beer Stormtrooper
  41. Drink dark beer
    drinking Stormtrooper
  42. Drain the main vein
    peeing Stormtrooper
  43. Mow the lawn
    mowing Stormtrooper
  44. Celebrate the holidays
    Christmas Stormtrooper
  45. Relax by the lake
    Posing Stormtrooper
  46. Drink Pepsi
    Pepsi Stormtrooper
  47. aaaAAA AAA Afternoon Delight!
    Picnic Stormtroopers
  48. Get in some cardio
    Gym Stormtrooper
  49. Taunt small children
    Tease Stormtrooper
  50. Go to rock concerts
    Rock concert Stormtrooper
  51. Hit the arcade
    arcade Stormtrooper
  52. Hang with pro wrestlers
    Pro wrestling Stormtrooper
  53. Visit Mexico
    Mexican Stormtrooper
  54. Move major keys right under the DEA’s nose
    Pay phone Stormtrooper
  55. Eat ice cream
    ice cream Stormtrooper
  56. Moonlight for Scotland Yard
    detective Stormtrooper
  57. Hang with rock stars
    Slash Stormtrooper
  58. Everybody say, “Breakdance!”
    Breakdance Stormtrooper
  59. Dine in Middleboro
    Stormtrooper goats
  60. Go bowling
    bowling Stormtrooper
  61. Sit on fences
    posing Stormtrooper on a fence
  62. Sit in windows
     posing Stormtrooper in a window
  63. Hide in swamps
    swamp Stormtrooper
  64. Drop Wookies off at the pool
    poop Stormtrooper
  65. Sing like the King
    Elvis Stormtrooper
  66. Ride their Segways
    Segway Stormtrooper
  67. Play football like the ancient Americans
    football Stormtroopers
  68. Get parking tickets
    parking ticket Stormtroopers
  69. Stunt double for Evil Knievel
    Evil Knievel Stormtroopers
  70. Bag groceries
    Grocery Stormtrooper
  71. Play “go fish”
    card playing Stormtrooper
  72. Go swimming
    Bikini Stormtrooper
  73. Babysit
    babysitting Stormtrooper
  74. Have threesomes
    threesome Stormtrooper
  75. Get milked by Jedis
    milked Stormtrooper
  76. Bench press
    bench press Stormtrooper
  77. Watch TV
    TV Stormtrooper
  78. Attend local sporting events
    Baseball Stormtroopers
  79. Hang out with Ronnie McD
    Ronald McDonald Stormtroopers
  80. Intentionally Ignore Bob
    Bob and the Stormtroopers
  81. Celebrate St. Patty’s Day
    St. Patty;s Day Stormtroopers
  82. Drift race
    drift race Stormtrooper
  83. Pimp their rides
    Pimp my ride Stormtrooper
  84. Go broke
    broke Stormtrooper
  85. Really go broke
    Low budget Stormtroopers
  86. Take public transportation
    Street corner Stormtroopers
  87. Get drunk and check random cars for droids
    car stop Stormtroopers
  88. Dress up like Spiderman
    Spiderman Stormtrooper
  89. Harass Best Buy employees
    Best Buy Stormtrooper
  90. Get crushed by a giant Spiderman
    Spiderman kid and the Stormtroopers
  91. Hang with the ladies from church
    Church lady Stormtroopers
  92. Relax in the pool
    Pool Stormtroopers
  93. Fight the Yakuza
    Hong Kong Stormtrooper
  94. Make new friends
    Uh, what? Stormtroopers
  95. Taunt the rebellion
    piss on the rebellion
  96. Get tattoos
    Stormtroopers tattoos
  97. Commit to Hello Kitty in a serious way
    Hello Kitty Stormtrooper tattoo
  98. Aggrivate Gene Simmons
    Kiss Stormtrooper shirt
  99. Take up amateur photography
    Stormtrooper photographing a babe
  100. Take long walks on the beach
    Beach walking Stormtrooper

See? Stormtroopers are just like you and me.

Did you have some favorites? Let me know in the comments.

I Still Look For Your Fingerprints

While #1GF! and I were out looking for houses this past weekend, we came across a house that was priced very low for its size due to foreclosure. We’ve seen foreclosures before, but the house was empty and not nearly as destroyed as some we’ve seen, despite a lot of the fixtures being missing.

After walking through a doorway that had obviously been sealed shut with masking tape, I was faced with giant words like “NOT FAIR” and “COME HOME” written on the walls in magic marker. I didn’t understand the masking tape, but I assumed that the messages were due to the previous owner being upset about the foreclosure. In the next room, I found a girl’s name and two dates written in marker on the inside of a closet with the words “16 years and 53 days”. It started to feel like whoever had been foreclosed on may have also been dealing with the death of a teenager.

The house was incredibly huge, and I was torn between an incredibly good deal and the heavy air of sadness in the house. While I was forcing myself to remember that buying a house that was already foreclosed on was not taking anything further from the previous owner, I came across a tiny note scrawled on the kitchen doorway that convinced me it was time to move on. The note read,

“I still look for your fingerprints.”

Why I Love Small Towns: Kung Fu Gorilla

Every week, #1GF! will sit down and read the police report from our local town newspaper. In the city this would be rather depressing, but in a small town, it often turns up some amusing items. This week, she found this gem:

“11:34 PM: Caller reports a man in a gorilla costume doing Karate moves in the street. She finds this to be very suspicious. Officer detailed reported that suspect found the costume in the basement and was goofing around.”

On a Related Note: Kung Fu Gorilla vs. Aquaman

Now, if that Kung Fu Gorilla was on the scene when the following video took place, Aquaman might have not been victorious. I had to watch this twice just to make sure of what I was seeing, and I am forced to wonder if something is seriously wrong with kids today. Doodleoodleooo AquaMAAAAA HAN!

44 Ways to Enjoy The Super Mario Brothers Theme

I don’t know about you, but every time I hear the Super Mario theme, I feel like a big nerd. It’s a theme that any gamer over a certain age can hum off the top of their heads, and when people put their efforts into playing it, I end up grinning like a dope.

And I’m not alone. Below are the results of sifting through hundreds of videos to try to find the theme played on as many instruments as possible. I ended up with 43 decent renditions, covering brass, woodwinds, string and percussion instruments. The top ten is below, and the full 44 is listed at the bottom.

Before you proceed, be warned that I claim no responsibility if the Super Mario Theme is still stuck in your head next Tuesday.

Update 4/16/08: The RC car video was added at #2, pushing “Flute (with beatboxing) out of the top 10. Technically, the list is now 45 ways.

The Top 10 Super Mario Renditions

10. High school band
The odds are extremely high that the only person in this video that was alive to play Super Mario Brothers when it came out was the teacher. And a high school band is obligatory in this type of list, anyway, isn’t it? You know it is.

9. Contrabassoon
There’s something about the sound of the contrabassoon that cracks me up. And Richard plays it for us fabulously, even though he can’t get the camera situated the way he’d like.

8. Two Electric Guitars
Two guitars. One kid. I haven’t seen anything like this since Satan unleashed his metal fury in Rock n Roll Nightmare.

7. 11 String Bass
When I form my world-conquering metal band, The Mighty Fist of Thor, this guy is getting an invite to audition. He will invariably deem the music to be below his abilities, get a PhD in Music History, and die never knowing the gratification that comes with doing twelve chicks from eleven countries at the same time in a tour bus hot tub. At least he made it to evil number six on the list though, right?

6. Balalaika (Russian folk guitar)
While this version isn’t played the most accurately, I have never seen anyone play a folk instrument with such a rock star attitude. And considering he’s playing the Super Mario Theme, I’m guessing the reason is either insanity or nuts the size of Titan. In either case, this guy is also getting an invite to the Mighty Fist of Thor auditions, assuming my agent can find his tiny village in Russia.

5. Alto sax
Notice that this kid is not only in the standard rock star stance, but he plays the song in the style of Lisa Simpson.

4. Ballpoint Pen
While not yet accepted as a standard orchestral instrument, the ballpoint pen takes slot number 3. I think my favorite part of this is the “This is just an ordinary pen” move at the beginning, as if he’s about to do some sort of remarkable magic trick with it.

3. Beer Bottles
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Oh no? Well, it gets you famous on YouTube, now doesn’t it? Yes, and it gets you the number two slot on this list.

2. RC Car and Bottles
Take a lot of bottles, a radio controlled car, an underground garage, and the Japanese and throw them in a blender and you know that something awesome is going to be unleashed. This was a late addition that knocked “flute (with beatboxing)” off the top ten list, debuting at #2.

1. Tesla Coil
These guys jack it up to 88 miles an hour and play the Super Mario Theme with 1.21 gigawatts of power. Seriously. How can you beat that? 1.21 gigawatts!? 1.21 gigawatts!? Great Scott! the only power source capable of generating 1.21 gigawatts of electricity is… Mario.

If you haven’t gotten enough, yet, continue on. I take no responsibility for any further damage you do to your nerdy little synapses…

Top 44 Super Mario Themes, Listed By Instrument

Acoustic Guitar
Alto Horns
Alto Sax, see #5
Ballpoint Pen, see #4

Banjo and guitar
Beer Bottles, see #3
Balalaika (Russian folk guitar), see #6

Brass Quartet
Church organ
Clarinet Quartet
Contrabassoon, see #9
Electric Guitar
Electric Guitar x2, see #8
Electric Bass
11 String Electric Bass, see #7
Erhu (Chinese Violin)
Euphonium and Saxhorn
Flute (with Beatboxing)
Flute and Clarinet
High School Band, see #10
Marching Band
Mouth Harp
Radio Controlled Car with Beer Bottles, see #2
Rock Band
Ruler and Table
Stage Production
Tesla Coil, see #1
Upright Bass
Vocals (A capella)

Did I miss your favorite instrument? Drop it in the comments.

Dimmu Burger

dimmu burger

I understand that very few of you are going to get this, so here goes:

Metalocalypse is a cartoon about a death metal band named Dethklok. In episode 13, the lead singer, Nathan Explosion, has a dream that the rest of his band is pecked to death by birds. Because he is too stupid to do anything else, Nathan is forced to go to work at a fast food restaurant.

The restaurant is called Dimmu Burger.

Dimmu Borgir is a melodic black metal band from Norway.

I really have no use for Dimmu Borgir, but I found it funny enough to throw the logo together to put on a T-shirt.

I also included a copy in scalable vector graphics (SVG) format (right click, Save As…) for resizing in your favorite art program for those so inclined.

The MegaList of Actors Who Tried to Sing

Yesterday’s post spawned a discussion about actors who tried to make of a go of it in the music business. It was noted that Chuck Norris actually sang the theme to Walker, Texas Ranger, and I know I used to have the Paradise Alley Soundtrack, which featured an impossibly awful Sly Stallone on vocals, but I have to say that I drew a major blank on the topic and didn’t make much of a contribution.

When I got home, I started compiling a small list to post, and whole bunch googling later it’s three fucking AM. The list has grown from Gadzuki to Godzilla, and I’m dangerously close to comatose. As you peruse, if you find that you can’t remember where an actor might be from, mouse over their album to get a tool tip containing at least one show that they were in. If you find that you need even more info, most of the albums link to Amazon.

If you see me being walked out of the building tomorrow for sleeping at my desk, at least you’ll have this MegaList to remember me by. And to the poor bastard who might have to take over my job: again, I say, sorry I’m such a spaz.


(If you think of any more than this, add them into the comments.)

Christina Aguilera - The Mickey Mouse Club
Christina Aguilera

Danny Aiello - Hudson Hawk
Danny Aiello

Dan Aykroyd - Dragnet
Dan Aykroyd

Tatyana Ali - The Cosby Show
Tatyana Ali

Kevin Bacon - Footloose
Kevin Bacon

Scott Baio
Scott Baio

Eric Balfour - 24
Eric Balfour

Drake Bell - Drake & Josh
Drake Bell

John Belushi - Blues Brothers
John Belushi

Crystal Bernard - Wings
Crystal Bernard

Danny Bonaduce - The Partridge Family
Danny Bonaduce

Wayne Brady - Whose Line Is It, Anyway?
Wayne Brady

Jeff Bridges - The Big Lebowski
Jeff Bridges

Orlando Brown - That's So Raven
Orlando Brown

Chris Burke - Life Goes On
Chris Burke

Tisha Campbell - School Daze
Tisha Campbell

Tia Carrere - General Hospital
Tia Carrere

Lynda Carter - Wonder Woman
Lynda Carter

David Cassidy
David Cassidy

Shaun Cassidy - The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries
Shaun Cassidy

David Charvet - Melrose Place
David Charvet

Dominic Chianese - The Sopranos
Dominic Chianese

Robert Clary - Hogan's Heroes (LeBeau)
Robert Clary

Toni Collette - The Sixth Sense
Toni Collette

Stephen Collins - 7th Heaven
Stephen Collins

Danny Cooksey - Salute Your Shorts
Danny Cooksey

John Corbett - Northern Exposure
John Corbett

Miranda Cosgrove - iCarly
Miranda Cosgrove

Kevin Costner - Dances with Wolves
Kevin Costner

Russel Crowe - Romper Stomper
Russel Crowe

Miley Cyrus - Big Fish
Miley Cyrus

Jeff Daniels - Dumb & Dumber
Jeff Daniels

Tony Danza - Who's the Boss?
Tony Danza

Julie Delpy - Waking Life
Julie Delpy

Zooey Deschanel - Elf
Zooey Deschanel

Robert Downey Jr. - Weird Science
Robert Downey Jr.

Minnie Driver - Good Will hunting
Minnie Driver

Hilary Duff - Lizzie McGuire
Hilary Duff

Patty Duke - The Patty Duke Show
Patty Duke

Clint Eastwood - Million Dollar Baby
Clint Eastwood

Buddy Ebsen - The Beverly Hillbillies
Buddy Ebsen

Barbara Eden - I Dream of Jeannie
Barbara Eden

Shelley Fabares - The Donna Reed Show
Shelley Fabares

David Faustino - Married With Children
David Faustino

Corey Feldman - Stand By Me
Corey Feldman

Samantha Fox - porn star
Samantha Fox

Jamie Foxx - In Living Color
Jamie Foxx

Annette Funicello - The Mickey Mouse Club
Annette Funicello

Edward Furlong - Terminator 2
Edward Furlong

Peter Gallagher - The O.C.
Peter Gallagher

Leif Garrett - Walking Tall
Leif Garrett

Crispin Glover - Back to the Future
Crispin Glover

Ryan Gosling - Lars and the Real Girl
Ryan Gosling

Brian Austin Green - Beverly Hills 90210
Brian Austin Green

Lorne Greene - Battlestar Gallactica
Lorne Greene

Joel Grey - Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (Chiun)
Joel Grey

Andy Griffith  - Matlock
Andy Griffith

Jasmine Guy - A Different World
Jasmine Guy

Richard Harris - Camelot
Richard Harris

David Hasselhoff - Baywatch
David Hasselhoff

Jill Hennessy - Law & Order
Jill Hennessy

Larry Hovis - Hogan's Heroes
Larry Hovis

Terrence Howard - Iron Man
Terrence Howard

Natalie Imbruglia - Neighbours
Natalie Imbruglia

Janet Jackson - Good Times
Janet Jackson

Don Johnson - Miami Vice
Don Johnson

Amy Jo Johnson - The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (pink ranger)
Amy Jo Johnson

Shirley Jones - The Partridge Family
Shirley Jones

Milla Jovovich - The Fifth Element
Milla Jovovich

Ted Knight

Vicki Lawrence

Jennifer Love Hewitt - Party of Five
Jennifer Love Hewitt

Scarlett Johansson - Lost In Translation
Scarlett Johansson

Christian Kane - Leverage
Christian Kane

Nicole Kidman - The Others
Nicole Kidman

Eartha Kitt - Batman
Eartha Kitt

Jane Krakowski - 30 Rock
Jane Krakowski

Joey Lawrence - Gimme a Break!
Joey Lawrence

Christopher Lee - Lord Of The Rings
Christopher Lee

Jared Leto - Fight Club
Jared Leto

Jenny Lewis - The Wizard
Jenny Lewis

Juliette Lewis - Natural Born Killers
Juliette Lewis

Lyndsay Lohan - Mean Girls
Lyndsay Lohan

Jennifer Lopez - Lambada
Jennifer Lopez

Traci Lords - porn star
Traci Lords

Tina Louise - Gilligan's Island
Tina Louise

Jayne Mansfield - Too Hot to Handle
Jayne Mansfield

James Marsters - Buffy The Vampire Slayer
James Marsters

Martika - Kid's Incorporated

Maureen McCormick - The Brady Bunch
Maureen McCormick

Kristy McNichol - The Love Boat II
Kristy McNichol

Eddie Mekka - Laverne and Shirley
Eddie Mekka

Alyssa Milano - Who's the Boss?
Alyssa Milano

Kylie Minogue - Neighbours
Kylie Minogue

Robert Mitchum - Night of the Hunter
Robert Mitchum

Marilyn Monroe - Some like it Hot
Marilyn Monroe

Dudley Moore - Arthur
Dudley Moore

Alanis Morissette - You Can't Do That On Television
Alanis Morissette

Donnie Most - Happy Days
Donny Most

Megan Mullally - Will and Grace
Megan Mullally

Billy Mummy - Lost in Space (Will Robinson)
Billy Mummy

Eddie Murphy - 48 Hours
Eddie Murphy

Jim Nabors - Gomer Pyle
Jim Nabors

Nichelle Nichols - Star Trek
Nichelle Nichols

Brigitte Nielsen - Red Sonja
Brigitte Nielsen

Leonard Nimoy - Star Trek
Leonard Nimoy

The Olsen Twins - Full House
The Olsen Twins

Jack Palance - City Slickers
Jack Palance

Gwyneth Paltrow - Sliding Doors
Gwyneth Paltrow

Mandy Patinkin - The Princess Bride
Mandy Patinkin

Tony Perkins - Psycho
Tony Perkins

Joe Pesci - Goodfellas
Joe Pesci

Tony Randall - The Odd Couple
Tony Randall

Jackson Rathbone - Twilight
Jackson Rathbone

Raven - The Cosby Show (Olivia)

Keanu Reeves - The Matrix
Keanu Reeves

Burt Reynolds - Stroker Ace
Burt Reynolds

Esther Rolle - Good Times
Esther Rolle

Jared Rushton - Big
Jared Rushton

Tim Russ - Star Trek Voyager
Tim Russ

Telly Savalas - Kojak
Telly Savalas

John Schneider - Dukes of Hazzard
John Schneider

Katey Sagal - Married With Children
Katey Sagal

Steven Seagal - Marked For Death
Steven Seagal

William Shatner - Star Trek
William Shatner

Cybill Shepherd - Moonlighting
Cybill Shepherd

Jason Schwartzman - Rushmore
Jason Schwartzman

Jamie-Lynn Sigler - The Sopranos
Jamie-Lynn Sigler

Jada Pinkett Smith - A Different World
Jada Pinkett Smith

David Soul - Starsky & Hutch
David Soul

Brittney Spears - The Mickey Mouse Club
Brittney Spears

Brent Spiner - Star Trek
Brent Spiner

Rick Springfield - Battlestar Galactica
Rick Springfield

Frank Stallone - Hudson Hawk
Frank Stallone

Cree Summer - A Different World
Cree Summer

Patrick Swayze - Roadhouse
Patrick Swayze

Mr. T. - The A Team
Mr. T.

John Tesh - Santa Barbara
John Tesh

Philip Michael Thomas - Miami Vice
Philip Michael Thomas

Billy Bob Thornton - Slingblade
Billy Bob Thornton

Justin Timberlake - The Mickey Mouse Club
Justin Timberlake

John Travolta - Welcome Back Kotter
John Travolta

Jack Wagner - General Hospital
Jack Wagner

Jack Webb - Dragnet
Jack Webb

Lisa Whelchel - Facts of Life
Lisa Whelchel

Johnny Whitaker - Sigmund and the Sea Monsters
Johnny Whitaker

Bruce Willis - Die Hard
Bruce Willis

Anson Williams - Happy Days
Anson Williams

Barry Williams - The Brady Bunch
Barry Williams

Tom Wopat - Dukes of Hazzard (Luke)
Tom Wopat

Kari Wuhrer - Sliders
Kari Wuhrer

Kathleen York - The West Wing
Kathleen York

Tina Yothers - Family Ties
Tina Yothers