So, I’m reading a post over at GeeseAplenty about how Greg is a little sick of the whole NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) obsession that has reared it’s head once again this year. While I find myself indifferently shrugging over whether someone should should take a stab at writing a book in a month or obsessing about it on their personal virtual homestead, I did agree with him whole-heartedly on one point:

NaNoWriMo sounds like a big, fat pain in the ass.

This of course got me thinking. What about people like me to whom procrastination is more of a lifestyle than a character flaw? How the hell could I write a book in a month? My gaming would suffer, my blogging would suffer, my PVR would fill up, and Netflix would raise prices to cover the money they spent on tech support specialists to figure out why my queue had suddenly and completely stalled. And what would I end up with after paying the hefty 5000 word per day entrance fee? The rewards just don’t seem like they’d exactly outweigh the effort.

This is not to say that I don’t yearn to belong to a stupidly named club for jerks, too. Not writing a book shouldn’t stop me. That’s just discrimination. And when you discriminate, you make an ass out of you and me. Or something like that.

So, for the less industrious among us who don’t feel that it’s too much to want results that at least match the effort that went in, I’m shunning NaNoWriMo and starting my own month. My month will allow people to be part of something, give them a visible reward, and won’t require anything near 5000 words per day to complete.

So, to everyone reading, I’m officially declaring December to be MaBeGroMo (Macho Beard Growing Month).

The rules are simple (even for us).

MaBeGroMo Rules

Rule 1: At some point between now and December 1, you take a “before” picture of yourself and put your razor away.
Rule 2: At some point after December 31, you take an “after” picture of yourself, and decide whether to reunite with your razor or renew your short-term contract with your newly found friend. You may then claim the title of “MaBeGroMo Member”
Rule 3: If you make it to February 14, you have beaten the extended challenge and can rightfully claim the title of “MaBeGroMo Champion.”
Rule 4: If you make it past February 14, step out of the Home Depot, put down the deer carcass, and shower well before signing up for several internet “dating” services. This is just a suggestion.

You’re thinking about it. I can see it. I’ve taken the liberty of answering some of your presented concerns to give you the encouragement to get started in The Beard FAQ. Good luck.

36 thoughts on “MaBeGroMo

  1. boss, all those apply, GF says shave that shit off!, no-go at work (work in the bread factory, but good news! Off from dec.12th till jan.12 so ….I’m in. hell with everybody. Ill start b4 we leave to the states and try my root-tootinly-darndest to keep it the whole vacation. rawk on

  2. ok, what about the stache? can it be shaved on a regular basis and grow just an amish beard? and shave on the neck area? or is everything off limits to shaving?? (as far as the face goes ;P)

  3. There are only a few rules. Participants should customize the rules to fit their needs. Make MaBeGroMo your own.

    Personally, my stash sucks, but it will be grown. I will also be shaving my neck area. But that’s me.

  4. Hey…….i usually shave off all my beard and leave only a moustache and a soulpatch……then i wait for like two weeks b4 shaving it off again to normal style……… beard grows pretty quickly and i i wait for a month…..every1 from my parents to teachers to friends will start complaining…………..worst part is i live is SE Asia where no on seems to have facial hair……….wat to do???? I hope someday to grow a winnfield……..:)

  5. So you’ve inspired me to try all the beard types *in order*. I realize that you’ve been trying them out, but I figured that an arbitrary restriction would make it more difficult, and therefore even more fun. Also, I’m basically going to do each one from scratch.

    Today I shaved my one week of stubble into something vaguely resembling a Hollywoodian, so I’m going to live with that for several weeks and see how it develops. Methinks I look quite suave, although I’ll have to consult with my wife to determine whether that is indeed the case. Of course, then I have to shave that one and start working on Mutton Chops. This may take the better part of a decade.

    The only one I’m nervous about is the Super Mario. In addition to being nearly impossible, it also looks ridiculous. I’m not sure I can bear to go into work with that one. Maybe I’ll just keep it for a weekend, and for the photographs. Also, I might do El Insecto while I’m on vacation or something.

    The rest of them, I’m pretty sure I can pull them off, at least for a few weeks. I already tried something more or less like a Copstash for a 70s party last year, and it was fun for a few weeks. Then people started thinking that it was my normal grooming pattern, and it got a little weird.

  6. you’re becoming my beard-guru.
    i’m a fan of the braided beard, but i’m too meticulous when i shave, looking for perfect symmetry… i was looking for braid-rings when i get to your site… greeeeaaat…
    i’m gonna try to show some progress by pictures 😉

  7. Hey Jon ! Greetings from France !
    I’ve tried to grow a beard since the beginning of October, but some friend of mine advised me to shave under the lower jaw’s level and let the rest grow. I didn’t like it but shaved it like this so far. This evening I tried one of your beard style that could be cool with this “beard growing method” (sorry my english is horrible but I’ve not talked this language for years) and cut it wrong somewhere… so I cut more, then I realized it was horrible, then I cut everything… XD
    The neck beard remain, and plenty of it !!! I’m waiting for my girl to cut it too…

    Something went wrong doctor but I’m ready to try it again !
    Any advice ?

    Suggestion : you should try to link the beard types to face types. I’ve got a small chin and I don’t know which type of beard to grow.

  8. A couple friends and I have been celebrating Facial Hair February for a few years now.

    It sounds like this is exactly the same thing, and I’m glad to see it being done in other forms.

    Wear your beard proudly!

  9. Sorry I’m late to the party here. I just thought I’d mention Whiskerino (with which I am not affiliated nor in which have I ever participated) as a good source for beard-growing camaraderie. No need to reinvent the wheel, right?

  10. There are so many beard activities during the winter months: No Shave November, November Beard Club, Movember, Decembeard, Bearduary, Whiskerino, MaBeGroMo, that there are plenty of places for beardos to get involved.

    Until all wheels fit all people, I encourage wheel production and differentiation. There’s plenty of room for everybody in the wild world of beards.

  11. I grew a mini hulihee last year from the 1st January to the 14th February and found the whole experience quite liberating.

    I started growing my beard again this year on new years day. I am striving to get till the end of February.

    Wish me luck!

    Steve from the toon

  12. I’m a MaBeGroMo Champion! After 75 days, my beard has filled out, and I’m excited. It’s getting trimmed, but it’s sticking around for sure. It looks like it might even get some of the good attention you read about in magazines, or hear about in movies.

    I hope things are fine with you, and keep up the website,

    Alex from Canada

  13. Great site!

    The FAQ made me laugh out loud.

    I’ve been growing my beard during the week before Christmas…when the office is dead and I can grow that stubble without any complaints in the office…by the time normal work resumes…I already got 2-3 weeks of growth.

    I generally shave it off in the Spring sometime…like a shaving of the wool, springtime ritual.

    I still am sportin’ my full beard…thinking this weekend to try the Franz Josef…just not sure if my beard trimmer can do fine lines, or if I gotta work a Bic around and hope it looks ok!

    This year, the Franz Josef…next year…thinking about doing one of those Colonel Sanders for a laugh!

  14. Wow…I can’t believe there hasn’t been an updated post to this page.

    It is time again…I put the razor away and fully celebrating MaBeGroMo this month and into Spring.

    There has GOT to be some others partaking in this annual tradition!

    Last year I got the beard fully grown out…went to a Franz Josef…then the Fu Manchu(minus sole patch piece), then the cop mustache…to which I got a ton of compliments!

  15. What are people’s beard removal plans?

    Got my full growth…next step will be Hollywoodian, then Van Dyke, Fu Manchu, Zappa, Cop Standard…

  16. Is anyone going to join me in MaBeGroMo this year? I’m quitting trimming my 1-1.5″ beard this winter and documenting the growth each month.

  17. Man, I wish I could grow a proper beard in a month. I can barely grow a decent beard because it doesn’t connect well. It would probably take until Feb14 just to make it look like I was actually trying to grow a beard and not just being lazy, lol.

  18. Stumbled upon your site – great stuff! Dig that you’ve gone after all those styles yourself. Damn if you don’t look like Christian Bale, dude!
    My goatee has just passed the 6″ mark. I’ve dealt with the wild hair syndrome for some time until my fashionista daughter suggested I try her hair straightener. Works like a charm! My hair has completely gone to grey/white, which makes it even more dense and wild. Be sure to use good hair products so you don’t dry it out to much.
    Keep up the good work!

  19. I’ve been on a MaBeGroMo for over a year before I even knew about this site….
    I love beards, I love my beard. Except for occasional trimming to ensure it looks aesthetically pleasing, I abstain from cuttin’ the fur….

  20. For MaBeGroMo this year(2013) I plan on doing the ‘Mongol Warlord’ beard-a combination of the ‘Fu Manchu’ and ‘Goatee’.

    ps, great blog Mr. Dyer.

  21. Late to the party. So the last MaBeGroMo was 2010? I hope this isn’t one of those “abandoned” blogs. You do have an updated date in the footer but sometimes that’s automated, especially with WP.

    Anyway, not sure it counts but, I go three to six months between beard TRIMMING only AND hair cuts. Actually “hair cut” is not accurate. This simply involves a Wahl clipper set on maximum and about 20 minutes… maybe an hour if I find a patch I missed in the car and have to drive home. This happens because I have to take off my glasses to “shave” my head and I use the “braille method” with some “yard cutting overlap” techniques to make sure I get everything. Unfortunately that is not 100% effective and there is ALWAYS one or two spots I miss in the back. I get some major ribbing for this during holidays.

    For some reason I don’t have an extra mirror in the bathroom (3 to 6 months, seems a waste of money), sometimes I have used the back of a CD or DVD as a mirror. Kind of odd, I have CDs and DVDs in the bathroom but not a mirror. Last shave day, I used my iPad camera with the mirror to make sure I got it all. iPad in the bathroom but no mirror. My priorities need some work.

    So, ANYWAY, I would qualify for champion, but… I refuse to shave clean. I haven’t shaved beard clean IN YEARS out of terror of how I would look with the ordinary face I had for most of my youth. I started my beard thing about 5 or 10 years ago.

    There was a brief time many many years ago in my 20s when I had LONG hair and a LONG messy unruly beard. I was working for a design agency and when I would walk downtown for lunch I started getting stopped by strangers on the street looking to buy drugs. Silly me, I had no clue why this kept happening. One day I looked in the mirror after lunch and the light bulb went off over my head (I could almost see it through my frizzy tangled long hair) and realized I looked like someone preparing for a role in a new stage production of Max Fischer’s Serpico. That day, I shaved head, shaved beard and stopped selling drugs… or at least, stopped being asked to sell drugs.

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