Dear 1970’s,

-Jon

70s PSA: VD Is For Everybody

I was looking up some old commercials at for a recent Life of Riley post, and ran into this strange game ad from a time when Saturday morning cartoons kept the kids attention, the gas crisis kept the parents attention, and busting balls was a family pastime.

The more you look back at the 70’s, the less surprising it is that people thought bell bottoms were cool.

Ballbuster: A Game For The Whole Family

(It’s a real 1970’s commercial, and is completely work safe.)

I was half paying attention while watching an episode of 30 Rock the other day, and had to rewind in one scene because I had the feeling that I had missed something.

As Liz Lemon steps off the elevator, Kenneth the page says, “Oh, you’re back. I guess I’m not in charge anymore.” He then pulls a sign off the wall:

Sunufa.

You can watch the The Funcooker episode of 30 Rock on Hulu.

Alternate Post Titles:

• “I’d like to buy an A, please.”
• “No, It Can’t Wait Until A Commercial Break.”
• “Oh, Vanna, No.”
• “A Simple Box of Chocolates Would’ve Been Fine.”

For those of you who are not looking forward to the upcoming love fest that we call Valentine’s Day, you can make your own Valentine’s Day (or VD) messages at Atomsmasher’s word puzzle generator.

I’m a geek. I never watch sports. I don’t watch when local sports teams are losing, and I don’t jump on the bandwagon when they’re winning. As the Pats marched through their 18 and 0 season this year, I didn’t bother to watch a single game.

Last night, Pats fans, you were robbed of flipping over cars to celebrate a Super Bowl win. I’d like to let you continue to blame the mayor for prematurely planning a victory parade, or for not hugging your lucky football tight enough during the second half, but I have to come clean.

Last night, instead of doing something useful with my time, I maliciously sat down and watched the Super Bowl from end to end (including all of the commercials) with no regard for the Pats undefeated season. The Pats did the best that they could considering my absolute power over their ability to win or lose. I watched, and was the reason that you had to pee in a toilet rather than taking a victory wiz in the middle of the street last night.

Sorry, Pats fans. Don’t send me hate mail. It was an abuse of my power, and I promise not to force the outcome of local sports matches in years to come.

#1GF! is a big fan of a lot of the prime time dramas like Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives, and I’ve learned to leave the room because my eye rolling and talking at the TV tends to ruin the shows for her. I can always tell when I shouldn’t enter a room because all the shows seem to have the same bloop bloop bloop music.

When I saw the following four minute podcast from Current TV, I felt like Connor Knighton had read my mind. Ladies, you might not want to watch this, because it’s really hard to re-ignore something once someone points it out.

This week, I sat through about ten minutes show called Extreme Dating, which was so good that it was being broadcast at the prime slot of 6:30 AM. The premise was that two people go on a date, but one of them has an earpiece that is connected to the other’s exes. The exes then try to ruin the date by feeding questions and insider information.

This episode had an extremely high-maintenance Swedish girl who was looking for a guy to read poetry to her all day and wait a mere six to eight months while she

After a pretty substandard day of house hunting, #1GF! and I were going over to her brother’s house for dinner. On our way out of Hull, we noticed a group of people looking over the edge of a bridge. Because something didn’t look right, I asked #1GF! to pull over.

For the next half hour, I ended up holding several different ropes to aid in the rescue of some kayakers who were trapped under a bridge in a rapidly rising tide. The real heroes were in the water, but if you see the story on the news, I was the guy in the white ringer t-shirt and sunglasses holding the ropes that were holding up the ladder that one of the rescuers was standing on.

With the aid of two fire departments, two local police departments, the State Police, the Harbor master, and a bunch of civilians, three kayakers and one fireman were eventually pulled to safety.

After a couple of miles of silence, #1GF! and I started talking about it.

Me: I’m glad we stopped.

#1GF!: Yea, it feels good to be needed.

Me: Nah. I don’t really need to feel needed.

#1GF!: Well, it feels pretty good to help people.

Me: Yea, but I think it was something else. It’s like someone said that it was very important to hold on those ropes, and I held on to the ropes. I couldn’t see or control what was happening to the kayakers, so all I could do was focus on holding onto the ropes and watching the guys in front of me in case they lost their balance. That’s it. Whether the kayakers came out or not, I was going to hold those ropes until I was told that it was no longer critical to do so.

#1GF!: I was waving off another idiot kayaker who was coming in for a closer look. I’m still shaking.

Me: That’s because you have a lot of empathy. I’m pretty relaxed. It’s like when I listen to death metal, you know? I’m calmer in the middle of a shit storm than when I’m trying to decide what to have for dinner. Remember when they pulled that old lady out?

#1GF!: Yea

Me: Well, I was getting pissed at her because she wouldn’t put her legs down and stand up. The woman had been drowning under a bridge, and I’m thinking, “Get yourself together, put your fucking foot down, and help them get you over the guard rail”. The woman was scared and sobbing, but I was more focussed on the task than on how scared she must’ve been. That’s low empathy. Maybe I really should’ve taken that Army scholarship years ago. The army needs people with low empathy and the ability to focus on tasks. But, then I probably wouldn’t be here today if I had.

#1GF!: Sort of makes you want to be a fireman, huh?

Me: You know, it really does.

The whole thing is still a bit muddled in my head, but here’s the rescue video from CityNews and another one from iCaught.

Here’s a pic of the completed 10×14 metal shed with the cardboard “Bubbles” sign above it. Maybe it was the heat, but that two second sign made the three days of labor totally worth it…

The reference is to a character on Trailer Park Boys who lives in a shed with all his cats.

I’ve been moderating channels for the Democracy Player for a month or so, and I’ve been on a tear to find independent web TV that I can watch instead of cable. There’s a ton of video that I’m still sifting through, but I’ve been amazed at how many quality web TV shows that I have queued up for when I have a spare minute. And thanks to the Democracy Channel Guide, the list keeps growing.

There is quality independent content out there. It’s just sort of difficult to find. Because it’s the end of the week, I thought I’d save you some searching and hook you up with a few of the series that I’ve come across recently.

We Need Girlfriends

Out of all the videos episodes I’m watching right now, this is one of my favorites. It’s about three nerds who need girlfriends.
We Need Girlfriends

Good Morning World

This is a daily show that spoofs the idiocy of morning shows.
Good Morning World

Who’s Gonna Train Me?

This is technically indy, but it is produced by VH1, so I’m not sure if it counts. This is a series that chronicles a reality show about a boxer looking for a trainer.
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3

Sockbaby

Sockbaby is a pretty neat little 3 part video from 2004 that spans about 15 minutes in total. The fight scenes are pretty good for an indy film, and it’s a shame that it never made it past 3 episodes.
Sockbaby

L33t Haxxors

This is a completely silly four part series about, you guessed it, Elite Hackers.
L33t Haxxors

Planet Unicorn

“In the year 2117, an eight year old gay boy named Shannon found a magic lamp. He was granted three wishes. The first: A fur jacket. The second: a flying car. And the third was a planet. full. of unicorns. This is the story of that planet.” Are you sitting there with your fucking mouth wide open? Wait until you hear the theme song.
Planet Unicorn

If you have an indy web series that you watch, drop it in the comments.

I’m not in the habit of writing about TV shows, but I how can I not mention a show if it gave me my favorite, yet most ineffectual threat.

“I will cut you open like a Tauntaun.”

Thanks, 30 Rock.

You can watch the whole season of 30 Rock, including the episode that I’m referring to (Episode 21: Hiatus) at NBC.com. You have to watch commercials, but at least they don’t try to make you install a player like ABC or CBS.

It’s sad what a cliche I’ve become, when after a shit day on the job, the only thing I want to do is pour myself into the couch and bleach my brain with the deluge of prepackaged, lifeless programming until it’s time to go to bed. And worse, television had become such a constantly available crutch in my life that I found myself looking to live humans for entertainment less often.

And I guess that was the point of shutting the box off: Make the house more boring and force the need for more human contact. Reawaken the brain. Get out of the house. Make the strangers acquaintances, the acquaintances friends, and the friends into good friends.

One of the first posts that I ever published was an experiment to see if I could shut off my television for 7 days. At the time, I found the first two days were marked with definite withdrawal, but after that there was a marked increase in brain activity as my brain transformed from a passive observer to an active participant.

Because I’ve been feeling the life sliding out of me lately, a couple of days ago, I started the experiment again. And because television is a habit backed by billion dollar marketing machine, it’s a tough habit to break. I’ve gotten a lot of shit done over the last couple of days, and even though my brain seems to be coming up with more ideas lately, it’s not smart enough to help me avoid getting my ass whipped by #1GF! in every game of Lost Cities we play.

If you need a little encouragement to participate, check out the original Kill Your Television post

I’d love to hear if you participate and if it does you any good.

Co-worker1: You don’t like House? But, he so sarcastic and funny! And mean!”
Me: “Not really. I can’t sit through a whole show for a few good comments.”
Co-worker1: “But, he’s just like you.”
Me: Actually, I think he’s kind of an asshole.”
Co-worker2: “Bingo!”

Over the last couple of days I thought up a second experiment. I would like to know if you participate, and I would like to know the results. I would like to know if you can stop watching T.V. and reading the newspaper for 7 days. For some of you this will be easy. For some of you, this will be a monumental task. But, it’s just 7 days.

Why?

Four reasons:

First, T.V. shuts you down. If there is a T.V. on in a room, I am drawn to it. I feel compelled to watch it. I can’t hold conversations, I can’t focus, and I find that I can’t function. It’s a powerful draw, and I can sit for hours, just wasting time that I will never be able to recapture. It is time that I could have spent doing something that I actually enjoy. Or time that I could be at least thinking about something that I enjoy. When I stopped watching, I reclaimed so much time during the day that I found that I had time for most of the things that I felt compelled to do, along with the things that I wanted to do.

Second, the T.V. is not your friend. It cannot interact with you, and you cannot interact with it. How often do you come in and throw on the T.V. for background noise? I used to do it all the time. It makes it feel like someone is there with you. But, they’re not. You are alone, and you cannot even enjoy it. If we are lonely, we should call out to someone, not something. The T.V. is actually preventing you getting the interaction that you need by providing a false sense that you are interacting with someone. If you are not lonely, the T.V. is not letting you enjoy something that we have forgotten: solitude, peace, and being truly at rest.

Third, the name “News” is misleading. The “news” is full of things that you do not need to know. Most things that appear in the news are things that happen in places that you will never visit, involving people that you will never know driven by circumstances that you will never encounter. By knowing the information, you are not helping yourself. You are focusing on issues that will never touch you rather than the issues at hand. And you will think about those images and stories not only for the hour that you watch it. You will be affected for time to come, wasting brain cycle after brain cycle.

Fourth, most of those stories that you see/read are negative. Really negative. Horrific, usually. You are bombarded with atrocities that, whether you think they do or not, affect how you feel. They affect how you act. They affect how you view the world. The world is not as the T.V. makes it out to be. And you are not the person that T.V. makes you out to be. You are kinder, and more relaxed, and much happier.

So, give it a try. Some of you are going to be bored, some will be agitated for no reason, and some of you are going to change. Experiment with your life. It’s yours to do with as you please.

Or you can blow off that hippy crap and watch some short films from Atomic Cartoons. I was really impressed that it was Flash…