If you understand none of this, brush up at the Boston English Guide…) So it’s Saddadee, and youah at a dingah down in Quincy, and this wicked big loozah is totally hittin’ on you. An’ youah like, “Ahm all set with this. I wish I could just book it ahtta heah.” Theahr all like “how why ya?” an’ what’s youah numbah? Youah so hawt n’ shit.” You just want this big quayah to take a dudley. But they totally won’t leave you alone. So youah all like “Wait! You like computahs n’ shit, too? Well, so don’t I! Lemme give you my numbah…

What you really give them is (617) 861-3962. Call now.

Stephen Hawking, the brilliant physicist who brought quantum mechanics to the masses, now brings the power to the people through his lyrical style. See mchawking.com to put a dope smile on your grill. Word.

Why the hell is fun-size candy so damned small? When I think of candy being fun-size, I think more like pool table size. The world is topsy-turvey, damn it all to hell.

A friend had trouble using the ebonics phrase, “Word” today. It is an affirmation like “right on,” or “you got that right.” Don’t use it willy-nilly to mean whatever you want. Use it properly.

I know what you’re thinking: “Jon, I don’t live in, or even near the hood. Hell, I’m not even sure I know what ‘the hood’ even is. How can I learn all of those millions of ebonics phrases to impress my rap friends like Jimmy Jam or Silly P?” You, my friend, need to check out Dolemite’s ebonics dictionary. It’s all gravy, baby. Word.