It’s 2 AM once again, and the list is at an unhealthy 115 albums. I also accidentally ran across these videos:

Nimoy sings Bilbo Baggins

Shatner does Rocket Man

Shatner does LSD

Send help.

Laying in bed…
Me: Hey, who was that guy in that show with the Olsen Twins?
#1GF!: What?
Me: John Stamos?
#1GF!: What?
Me: I’ll bet he has an album…
#1GF!: Oh, This has to stop…

It’s a complete waste of time, but I can’t seem to stop adding albums to the Artist/Singer Megalist. I want to post other stuff. I really do.

One thing that should be noted is that there are a hundred download spots for Herve “Dee Plane, Dee Plane” Villechaize’s “Why Do People Have to Fight“, including this Google Video.

Remember a couple of years ago when someone overdubbed old G.I. Joe public service announcements and created classics like Mr. Body Massage?

Well, someone has done a similar thing with an X-men cartoon. Ever since I saw the stupid thing, I’ve been walking around afraid that I might blurt out, “I’m juggernaut, bitch,” and have no one know what the hell I’m talking about.

So, get on board and watch it so I don’t seem crazy.

I’m Juggernaut, Bitch (via Fazed)

I couldn’t resist posting this. I watched it 4 times, and giggled every time. It took me three viewings to realize that the DJ Giant’s cross faders are people on bikes. Scratch n Spin (Dopely worksafe via boingboing)

The Toys R’ Us store in South Bay (Dorchester) is closing because the company is getting slaughtered by Wal-Mart. They are currently offering 30-50% off of all stock. I went in this weekend, and they have a LOT of stuff. They had video games at 30%, games at 30%, and about a hundred Darth Vader voice-changing helmets at 30%… I really wanted to buy 5 for my next staff meeting, so that when the boss walked into the room we could all just sit there breathing “Kssshhhhh FFaaaawww. Kssshhhhh FFaaaawww.”

In my head, it’s especially surreal when combined with business attire.

The Kid From Brooklyn: Take 1 6 foot 4, 400 pound man in a tank top, give him a web cam, and allow him to give his rambling opinions on various topics. Pepper with F-bombs.

The internet is for porn: Take 1 battle of the sexes, 1 nerdy programmer, add way too much time on their hands and mix well.

Xyzzy: take 1 president, add a text adventure, and mix well. Grues not required.

Push The Button: 1 idiot. 1 button. Mix.

All are work safe for those with headphones…

While doing a little holiday shopping this weekend, I accidentally discovered that BestBuy is running a promotion where you get a $10 gift card when you spend $75 on DVDs. With Harold & Kumar go to White Castle, Scarface, Training Day, Donnie Darko, Mean Girls, Shrek 2, Collateral, and that one where the dude goes, “MARY! MARY! Don’tcha know me?” all running $10 a pop, it shouldn’t be too hard to hit the $75 mark. Oddly, it seems to be in-store only and I have been unable to verify it anywhere online.

You can also get 48 Hours, Trading Places, & Beverly Hills Cop or all 3 Austin Powers movies bundled together for about $20 per set.

I don’t usually mention deals, but this one even beats DeepDiscountDVD, which usually has the some of the better prices around.

Check BestBuy’s 2 for 20 DVD list and $10 Stocking Stuffers for more.

While I was convincing #1GF! that I was the king of being able to sing old TV theme songs by singing as much as I could remember of the theme to Chico & the Man, she went to the internet to confirm that I wasn’t one big, fat liar. I wasn’t, but in the process, she found sitcomsonline.com. For the past hour, I have been playing theme after theme from A-Z.

Do you remember how funky the theme from Barney Miller was? Too Close For Comfort? Maude? Good Times? WKRP in Cincinnati? What’s Happening? The Jeffersons? Sanford & MotherF’n Son? The quality of the samples isn’t great, but they have themes from tons of shows (sometimes with multiple versions) for you to test / torture your loved ones with. (Greatest American Hero, Mannix, & Ironsides were all absent).

The themes to The Golden Girls, Silver Spoons, Valerie, or Saved By the Bell are guaranteed to torture anyone within earshot if left on repeat. Guaranfuckinteed.

And The Andy Griffith Show will be in their heads well into tomorrow.

I’m too busy growing my beard to write, so I’ve compiled some of the crap I’ve found while sifting through Google video. Some old, some new, all useless for folks with a dialup connection.

Baby says “dump truck”
Garbage Man Prank
Obi Wan buys a used car
The only Whitney Houston song worth listening to
Jimmy Kimmel: Unnecessary Censorship
Octopus eats Shark
exploding whale
Blue Shield Ad
GODZILLA!

I’m off today, so no big post. All I can offer is Pandora (via fazed), which is supposed to play songs that are similar to to a song or artist that you like. It’s like musicplasma with sound or Yahoo radio with simpler ratings. It seemed like a good way to find new music, but it didn’t seem to be all that accurate, yet. And giving me 5 songs and then telling me to sign up is irritating.

It’s Friday, and I can tell that you’re just going to screw around, anyway, so I’m not going to fight you on it.

Nerds in the Wild (video via CollegeHumor): A video of a bunch of nerds in costumes being nerdy.

Real Life Tetris (video via CollegeHumor): A video of a nerd dressed up like a Tetris piece who walks around bumping into stuff

MC Squared (via MyVogonPoetry): This is a video of another one of those beat boxers that I’ve been so impressed with since first hearing the Fat Boys. I mean I have nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, bike skills, and total computer hacking skills…but I can’t do this. Go to the video section and check out the Apollo video. I say “No fuckin’ way” every time I watch it. chikkyckiccky Check the App app ippy app app Check the Apollo video.

Being Poor (via MyVogonPoetry): A nice little essay on what it is to be poor. It’s not funny. It’s a little sobering, and a good read.

Euphamisms for naughty bits (via In4mador): All wonderful ways to say wiener. And boobies. And doody.

Pictures I like (via MyVogonPoetry): Some guy writes comments on pictures he likes. Complex? No. High brow? Er, no. Funny? Yea. That one.

Millions of Games: How can I explain “millions of games” more plainly? It’s a site where people link all those neat little flash games from all over the web. Are there a million of them? I didn’t have time. I got stuck on the first two games I saw.

Or cruise the side links or check in on the ol’ Lazy Linking Category.

* As an added bonus, you can always visit my “not yet converted from cgi to PHP” beard removal documentaries: Shaving 101 (2003) and Shaving 102 (2004). Every year, I shave off my beard and document the stages. If you haven’t seen it, it will relieve you of any feelings that I might have a cool part anywhere in my body. If you have seen it, you know it’s a train wreck.

I wrote 2 posts yesterday, so today is for a lazy link.

I know I’ve mentioned it in years past, but now would be a good time to re-visit the old school, straight edge hardcore group known as JUD JUD. I was a proud owner of one of their 45’s back in the day, and would play it for anyone who had 10 minutes to listen. Since tape recorders and the art of the mix tape are long dead, Jud Jud has been saved from obscurity by that guy who owns the internet.

So, if you find yourself in need of a straight edge fix today, and don’t want to listen to musical intrusions such as lyrics or instruments, I suggest you start by checking out X The Demos X, particularly a little song called X Fast Song X. Note the doodlydoodly of the stereo drum roll and the double bass action near the end. Pure Genius. Pure Hardcore. Pure Jud Jud

The later stuff, like most hardcore bands is a total sellout to corporate America and can be skipped.

Long Live JudJud. JudJud. JudJudJAH. JudJudJAH.

I somehow came across 10eastern.com’s found images gallery while surfing about the ‘net. In essence, a guy was out looking for MP3’s via some file sharing app and came across someone’s pictures shared out for all to see. Interested to see if other people had done the same, he started looking for more pictures and the found images gallery was born.

I sat looking at these things for hours (galleries 61 to 114 to be exact). Some of the pictures made me sit and think, some made me laugh, and a few of them elicited a solid “What the fuck?”

I captioned what I could below, and each thumbnail links to the full image over at 10eastern.com. If you do explore their photo archive, make sure that you have the pictures in “full” rather than “thumbnail” mode, because I found that the thumbnails just don’t do the full pictures justice and you end up missing a lot of pretty cool stuff.

You know, I think I had a bunch of CD reviews to bore you with, but man, it’s the end of the week and you need a whole lot of stupid to get you through today. I included a link to the site where they came from to give credit where credit was due…and just in case you need more of a break than I thought. All are safe for work except the very last one, which is, unfortunately, the best.

Games
Planetary should be easy. Just uncross the lines. (via BoingBoing)

Air Hockey (via ProgramGeeks)

Buddy for Crazy People (via CollegeHumor)

Videos
Weird Chinese Dance Troup (via Fazed)

Crazy Dog, Crazier Lady (via Fazed)

Flaming shot mishap (via CollegeHumor)

Flaming Shot mishap 2 (via CollegeHumor)

Farts in the Matrix (via Ebaum’s World)

And the best for last…
From CKY: The Prank (via Ebaum’s World)

Lately, I’ve been taking some flack about the amount of time that I have been spending with Spider Solitaire. Maybe some of you need an addictively stupid little game of your own.

Cow Milking: It is what it says it is.

Meb Ball: I don’t understand why the little man is trapped in the ball, or why I like this weird basketball game, but I played it too long.

Curveball: It’s 3d pong, but some hits are curve balls making it easier than the orignal.

Fireball: You try to shoot the other guy over a wall before he shoots you.

Notepad invaders: Space invaders done in a clever way. Neat to see, but not very addictive.

Proximity: It’s like Go and Risk. I only played a couple of times, because like I said, it’s like Go and Risk.

For some unknown reason, yesterday I found myself trying to describe a bootleg video that I had seen years ago called “Heavy Metal Parking Lot.” I really can’t imagine how it came up in conversation, but I found myself trying to explain to the other person how funny a 15 minute documentary filmed in the parking lot of a 1986 Judas Priest concert could be. As a 5 time audience member of Judas Priest around that time, I can say that it is certainly brought back some wonderful memories. When I got home I found that the guy who made the video has posted it right up there on the old internet for you to enjoy. Watch Heavy Metal Parking Lot…if you dare. Come on. It’s only 15 minutes. And you are bored as hell, my friend.

For those of you with more refined tastes, or simply for contrast, there is also Neil Diamond Parking Lot. For the masochists who make it past that one, there’s Public access Gibberish. This guy’s site is craptacular!

It’s been raining for 2 weeks, the wind is shaking the building, and the ten foot waves are putting seaweed on the median strip.

As with every major storm that hits New England, the news crews have converged on Hull to get soaked and tell their audiences to count their blessings that they don’t live here.

It’s Friday, it’s raining, and your motivation got so wet that you jettisoned it on the long walk across the parking lot. Now all are left with no more motivation than you could fit into your travel mug. On days like today, you need a good laugh. Your work today will consist of watching all of the videos on the Terry Tate section at the bottom of this page: http://www.cheezy.net/movies.php.

Oh, at least watch “Terry’s World,” brown noser. The Pain Train’s comin’ baby! Woo Woo!

Normally, I only link when I have nothing to say, but an incident at work the other day has forced my hand. Pete walks up to me and is all like “I aint checked your site in a while, biotch. I should check that shit up, but pfft. I liked it in the old days when you were all like, ‘look at the funny links on the web! linkity link link link.’ Now you’re all, ‘movie movie movie, bla bla bla.’ That shit ain’t funny, motherfucker!”

Just as I was calmly asking him to keep his voice down and to use proper corporate vernacular when addressing a co-worker, someone else piped in with, “I don’t read that shit, no more, neither. that shit is wickety wickety wack.” And another with, ‘Zackly. Fuck that shit. Fuck it up its stupid ass.”

Then they all started talking about throwing a biotch in a diotch, while I just sat there pretending not to hear them and winding the giant clock around my neck.

So, because of Pete’s insatiable need for amusement, I will turn this little bitch box into an actual honest to goodness weblog for a day. I read a very nice article at googletutor.com that explains a neat little google hack that allowed me to fish all the links below from the stuff that people stash up on their web sites (article here). Some are movies, some are pictures, and there’s a flash game in there somewhere.

Linkity Link Link Link:

http://shogun.shafted.com.au/temp/Mcleodowned.jpg
http://www.n3t.net/humor/jesusbrb.jpg
http://www.kvak.com/slike/200105b.gif
http://www.bordergatewayprotocol.net/jon/humor/video/
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/american_gene_pool.jpg
http://leech.dk/beatbox.wmv
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/cooltshirt.jpg
http://leech.dk/funkypong.swf
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/ft031003.gif
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/happynewyear.jpg
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/hit-ctrl-A.jpg
http://leech.dk/japan_national_yoyo-contest_2003.mpg
http://leech.dk/pop.swf
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/popecore1.jpg
http://leech.dk/redvsblack_switch.mov
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/stone.jpg
http://leech.dk/swearing.swf
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/whocares.jpg
http://leech.dk/bubblegum.php/word.jpg

The Christmas season not only puts me in a murderous mood, but makes me feel like I’m rotting on the inside for feeling that way.

Although, I do have a Catalonian Caganer on my railing that I laugh at every day during the season. And there are rumors that my sister has brought home the mighty Caga Tio for the second year in a row. Add poop to Xmas, and I can smile. What about you?

So, to get you through, I link a bunch of crap:
Beasties + Beatles = really good remixes
Star Trek + Love Song = Warp Factor Love (painful)
Stupid + Phone = Hello?Fuck
Kids + Santa = Pics of Scaredy Kids
Santa + Mosh pit = Santamosh.com
Xmas songs + Herb Alpert = The Border Brass XMAS MP3s

And the only XMas Song I really like in tab form: Blue Christmas.

Due to a server upgrade, I was at work from 8:30 AM to 9 PM. It was no biggie, but leaves me in the mood for utter mindlessness.

From games page on Ebaum’s World, I found these highly addictive games (in order of best to least best):

• Paper toss
• Squares
• Bowman
• Bubbles

I’ve been spending the last 2 weeks getting dicked around by car dealers and the corporate fates, so I have no real desire to write anything. Instead, I spend my free time playing Iron Stomach and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and acting like an idiot until my GF laughs.

Bah
Kerry sucks, Bush is an idiot, and Nader is insane. Does anyone else feel that actually going and pulling the lever in the voting booth is going to do anything better than pulling it at home?

‘Sposta
I was supposed to return to the gym today.
I was supposed to go look at cars today.
I was supposed to get a shitload of work done today.
I was supposed to learn to perfectly fold some shirts.

Honestly, my heart wasn’t in it. I merely went through the motions, doing the bare minimum and skipping everything in order to just get home. I hate days like this.

I would rather have been sitting around watching the droids from Red vs. Blue or getting a good chuckle from StrongBad. Instead, I get to eat again today. Halo players check out Episode 1, and corporate nerds check out StrongBad’s schedule. On Fridays I am Strongbad.

I’m off to finish the laundry and have a tall glass of piemonade.

I never really send links around, but Spiderman reviews crayons has been sent to everyone I know. It’s one of those things that I wish that I had thought of.

Free Read
I added a new blog to my list of daily reads: Geese Aplenty.

Free Info
After reading the davinci Code, I’ve been brushing up on the old conspiracy theories via the web searches and a visit to the ol’ library. I looked up stuff on the Masons, The Knights Templar, Davinci, Phi, Fibonacci numbers, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla. And now, I no longer care. There is just too much information out there based on too little fact with too little bearing on anything.

Free Assembly
There are no laws requiring citizens to carry national ID cards, yet we have been coerced into producing identification to board just about any major form of travel since 1998. The arguments against the system are that it’s not only useless (if any 19 year old can get fake ID, what are the odds of an international terrorist getting one? Yes, the 9.11 guys all had fake IDs.), but it’s a violation of privacy and citizens right to free assembly. Read or don’t. Care or don’t. (Slashdot article)

How to be creative from gapingvoid.com This kept me page hopping for a bit, and I need to go back when I have more time…

I sent this link out late on a Friday afternoon, and since then, the GF has been asking me where I found it. Well, I finally re-found it on BoingBoing: Followup Titles to One Hit Wonders.

As his posts consistently remind me that honesty and specifics are essential to good writing (something I had lost along the way), I have added AngelHeadedHipsters.net to my list of blogs.  (It’s on the bottom left with all those other links that you never seem to notice.  Man, I need a style update to get you to notice things.  The blog.  Not me.  Ok, Well yes, I probably do need a style update, too, but I’m a dude, and I really don’t have to care about nonsense like style. 

Proof?  Oh, here’s the proof, baby.  See page 223 of the dude manual where it sayeth unto thee:

27:18 Hark ye unto no one, for the dude cares not for style.  Leteth they who toucheth a dude’s favorite jeans and metal t-shirts be smote with a mighty smiting.
27:19 If ye have been blessed with $50 for new pants, journey to the temple and leaveth thy blessing within, for your lord is electronics, and your name be-ith “Dude.”

Right there, in print, all true.  Plus it’s now on the internet, which is always verifiable and true.

Picasa
Google bought a photo album tool called Picasa.  As the software that came with my digital camera sucks, I thought that I’d check it out.  I like it for its simplicity, although I did experience problems importing a couple of photos from my camera.  Also, the timeline function, while a neat idea, will not work with my piece of crap video card. 

The end is Nigh
I found this cartoon from the ACLU, and it made me want to re-up.  Then, the mood passed and I fell back into the role of the drone protecting the corporate hive.

worker bees can leave
even drones can fly away
the queen is their slave
-Jack

The Writers
Since no one I know really updates their blogs anymore, I have been on a tear to find new lives to peek into.  I put a couple that I’ve started reading daily onto the side bar, and I may add these two if I find that I keep up with them. 
 
The Sandal Wearing Adventurist and the Angel Headed Hipster

The Reader
Sometimes, I think that I can write.  And sometimes, I can.  When I read other people’s stuff, I think I’m delusional.  I think that I am not a needle in a haystack, but a merely a piece of hay.

The Lessons
When we made an offer on a house, the sellers were real pricks about signing the deal.  They made demand after demand and said that we weren’t to present a laundry list of corrections after the home inspection (as if I would waive that).  After we walked away from the deal due to the laundry list of items from the home inspection and the strange way the buyers had been acting, I was confused that the sellers were surprised that we didn’t negotiate with them.

Lesson 1: If you say that you will not negotiate and act like a hard ass, make sure the guy on the other side of the table won’t call your bluff.

Lesson 2: If you don’t lie well, make sure the guy on the other side of the table is not more thorough than you are.

Lesson 3: If you’re going to act like a prick and make people uncomfortable, don’t ask them to provide you with the results of a $400 inspection report for free after they walk away from the deal.  They might gently tell you to go fuck yourself.

There once was a nerd. That nerd turned his apartment into a Star Trek apartment.  Nerd has officially been redefined: http://www.24thcid.com

Urban
A voicemail message from a female came in for one of the e-mail admins today:

You took my fuckin’ money. You fucked up my motherfuckin’ credit…I’m quit witch you!! Bye!

As funny as the message was, you absolutely cannot imagine how funny this message was after being set to the various pieces of Brady Bunch theme music.

sub-Urban
For some damn reason, I am now dying to use the phrase, “Slow your roll, homie.” Yes, I absolutely know how uncool it sounds from a 30 something white male, but that’s what makes it so attractive. It’s enigmatic. It’s forbidden. It’s verbal lambada.

Stupid movies
(sing) Spider man, spider man, made of all legos he’s spider man. Nanana any size. nanana something something. Look out! Here comes the SpiderLegoMan.

With practice, even very angry people can sell Winnebagos. Even Winnebago man.