This is week 134 of The Life of Riley, a weekly post detailing my activities since I ended a thirteen year career as a corporate drone. These posts are usually long, personal, and geared more for my own memory than the reader’s entertainment.

Sunday (Day 931): Horizontal Snow

There was a blizzard going on, and the winds were some of the loudest we’d heard since moving into the house. Everything was rattling, which was pretty impressive considering that these little piggies live in a house of brick. The wind kept us up a good portion of the night.

When we got up, the trash barrel (that was weighted down with garbage) was ten feet from where I left it the night before. We couldn’t see out of most of the windows because they were covered with snow. Where we could peek out, we could see that the snow was going by the window horizontally.

I went out and shoveled through a three-foot drift to free the cars, and then moved them into odd angles to act as wind breaks. I didn’t know if the idea would save me any future shoveling, but the neighbors were sure to think that we both came home wasted.

I came in, showered for warmth, and took care of the baby. Even though it was a Sunday, #1GF! worked from home.

The day ambled by. We made chicken soup for dinner, and it wasn’t the greatest, possibly due to a lack of salt.

Later in the evening, I finally turned down the opportunity to be interviewed about my beards for a magazine because the reporter had a million questions and I couldn’t find the time to answer half of them with something witty. Maybe turning down free publicity was dumb, but the baby takes priority these days.

Once I decided that I wasn’t doing the interview, I played ten minutes of QuakeLive. The game may have lost its appeal. It’s not nearly as fun as the baby.

Monday (Day 932): Writing All Day

The baby slept from 9:30 PM until 6:30 AM. It took me a while to figure out why I hadn’t woken up exhausted.

#1GF! was supposed to be on vacation, but she went into work to tie up some loose ends before the holidays. I worked on LOR 115 all day long, and finally got it posted.

I ate dinner at 10:30PM, and #1GF! read the details of our first few days out of the hospital back to me. It seemed like it was so long ago. We had forgotten how much screaming there was.

Tuesday (Day 933): Predictable As PHP

#1GF! was finally on vacation, and she took over the baby care. I updated my Better Blogroll WordPress Plugin to allow the links to be sorted randomly, by title, or by rating. It took all day, but it was really nice to bury my head in something predictable like code for a while.

Wednesday (Day 934): Late Night Grocery Runs

#1GF! went out to get some Christmas shopping done, and of course, the baby rolled over onto her back for the first time while she was gone. I split the day between baby care and making three dozen macaroons and five dozen peanut butter cookies.

There was still a lot more holiday baking to do, so I went out to the store at 10PM to pick up pistachios. #1GF! asked me to pick up some pudding for her while I was out, and warned me several times that she needed regular pudding, not instant.

When I got to the store, I searched all over the place for pistachios, but couldn’t find them. I also couldn’t find someone to ask because the store was on a skeleton crew. I shook my head. The whole trip ended up as nothing more than a late night run for a couple of boxes of pudding mix.

When I got home, #1GF! told me where the pistachios were in the store, and I realized that I had walked right by them. She also pointed out that I bought instant pudding. I read the box three times because I swore that I picked up two boxes of regular. The shopping run was officially a complete waste of time.

I slumped my shoulders, tossed the pudding boxes on the counter, and went back to the store. #1GF! tried to stop me from going, but I figured that if I had all the ingredients ready in the morning, it would save us some time.

I went back to the store, picked up what I needed, and was back home by 11PM. There aren’t a lot of people in the supermarket after 10PM, but it was a lot more than I expected, beyond the typical baked teenagers hunting for snacks.

Thursday (Day 935): My Annual Fresca With Mee Maw Bon Bon

I was in the kitchen at 7:30AM to continue the holiday baking. #1GF! made a pudding pie, and I made jello jigglers, two dozen cranberry/pistachio biscotti, five dozen tri-flavored (cherry, pistachio, chocolate) spumoni bar cookies, and a pineapple upside down cake. That’s in addition to the three dozen macaroons and five dozen peanut butter cookies that I made the day before. #1GF! was not too happy with me for baking so much, but I didn’t have a lot of Christmas gifts to give, so I threw a lot of effort into baking to prove that I cared.

I finished at 5PM, showered, packed everything up, and we headed to my parents’ house to drop off presents and food. My parents weren’t feeling well, but some grandmothers will run out into the snow in their slippers just to get a glimpse of their granddaughter.

The days of going to multiple houses on Christmas Eve have been whittled down over the years to a single stop at a friend’s open house. We had never been to a party with the baby, and weren’t really sure how she would react.

I tried to give the baby a minute to acclimate to the people crowding around her, but the minute we got in the door, my friend’s mother whipped the baby out of my hands and ran into the other room with her. There was no stopping her. It was pretty funny. I went into the kitchen and had my annual Fresca.

I don’t know who thought up grapefruit juice soda, but I toast that bastard once a year. It all started one Christmas Eve when I visited my friend’s house and he politely asked me if I wanted something to drink. To be a pain in the ass, I asked for a Yoo-Hoo. When he didn’t have it, I asked for a Mello Yello. Then, a Dr. Pepper. Then, a Ramblin Root Beer, because I was sure that it hadn’t been made since the mid ’90s. My next move was to ask for a Fresca because no one but country club cabanas stock Fresca…no one but country club cabanas and my friend’s mom. I got a Fresca that year, as ordered. Now, every year, I drink a Fresca as an annual reminder of a joke that went too far and eventually backfired.

I stood in the kitchen with my Fresca, and the baby was off in the living room. It was weird to not have her in my sight. The other couples in the room got elbows in the ribs and raised eyebrows, and I tried to assist them by telling them how we had given up on the possibility of children by the time this baby came along. I’m not sure if it helped, but I doubt that it hurt.

They gave the baby Make Way For Ducklings, which is a classic childrens’ book that is set in Boston. We didn’t have it yet, and I was hoping the baby would get it as a gift at some point because I loved it so much as a child.

We stayed only about a half hour because it was way past the baby’s bed time, and we wanted to get out of there before she freaked. The baby was good the whole night, and was pleasant and fun the whole ride home. When we got in the door, even though it was early and we weren’t out for long, #1GF! and I were both exhausted.

Friday (Day 936): Christmas Day

We went to my parents’ house in the morning, and then to #1GF!’s mother’s house until 8PM. The baby was great all day, and was happy to watch everyone opening presents.

We went out to look at Christmas lights after we left #1GF!’s mother’s house, and found that we didn’t have the energy to care about Christmas lights. We whipped through a couple of neighborhoods, and got home around 9PM. We were exhausted once again. I loaded the presents into the house, and #1GF! put the baby to bed.

We ate leftover spaghetti at 10PM. I stood eating over the sink and thought, “All that running around. Well, at least we can relax in the morning.” I quickly remembered that with a baby, minimal sleep is the only option.

Saturday (Day 937): An 8 1/2 Hour Movie

I got up, straightened up the house, and cleaned the bathroom before I took a shower. #1GF! ran out to the store to pick up some lunch meat and rolls because her friend from Florida was stopping by for a visit on her way to a hockey tournament.

#1GF!’s friend came over at 11AM with her boyfriend and his two kids in tow. The kids had never seen snow, so they were on their backs in the neighbor’s yard making angels. They would occasionally pop in to change into some dry clothes before going back out. I was a little run down from all the Christmas festivities, so my entertainment processor was only running at half speed.

We had sandwiches, and her friend stayed for a couple of hours before heading off to hockey tournament.

#1GF! and I then spent from 1:30PM until 10PM trying to watch a movie. Netflix is almost useless when you have a kid.

What I Learned

• Sometimes, you just have to put the silly stuff aside to spend what little time you have on what’s important.
• You eventually forget how bad colic is.
• I know where the goddamned pistachios are.
• It takes hours to make spumoni cookies, and they’re not worth it.
• A pineapple upside down cake takes very little time and is totally worth it.
• I think baking for people means that I care.
• Sleeping in no longer exists.
• Netflix is almost useless when you have a kid
• Boring weeks are as brutal to write as they are to read.

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Posted in Life of Riley