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Thad asks:
Jon,
I’ve been working on my beard, but the longer hairs tend to go in the wrong direction once they get more than an inch long. Is it natural for longer facial hair to grow at an angle?
Thanks.
I have to admit that I laughed when I first got this e-mail, because even though I get a good portion of my traffic from beard related posts, I don’t consider myself to be an authority on beards. I am, however, someone who has grown a decent number of beards over the years despite a distinct lack of natural beard growing ability. Maybe there are some men out there who were born to grow perfect beards, but for most of us, getting a beard to look halfway normal takes a little bit of effort.
As I typed up a quick response, I realized that although my suggestions were pretty basic, they were the result of years of trial and error, and might be beneficial to other guys whose natural ability is throwing roadblocks onto their roads to beardedness. If you have a problem with an unruly beard (or know someone who does), here are 7 tips that should help to get those renegade patches back under control. And they require only a little more effort to implement than growing the beard itself
7 Ways To Train A Naturally Unruly Beard
1. Wait It Out: Ever get a whiffle and then try to convert back to your regular hair cut? There’s a two week period where you have the puffy headed look of a Monchichi, and there isn’t a damn thing that you can do about it. All you can do is wait for the hair to grow long enough that it falls into place from its own weight. Your beard can enter transition periods, too, and if you’re particularly lucky, the issues work themselves out on their own. This isn’t the most reliable way to get a beard back into place, but it certainly requires the least amount of effort.
2. Stop Washing It Every Day: Don’t let your woman tell you this is gross, because the ladies have been using this trick on their hair forever. Have you ever taken a good look at a super model’s hair? It’s like a grease pit because they don’t wash it. Washing your beard every day makes your beard wiry by stripping out any natural oil that would’ve accumulated to make it manageable. I’m not suggesting that you never wash your beard again there, Captain Caveman, but washing it every other day will give your beard a little oil buildup to help coax strays back into place.
3. Condition It Once A Week: If added length hasn’t added enough weight to get the hairs to lay flat, adding a bit of regular hair conditioner to your beard once a week can get some of those strays under control. I’ve only used regular hair conditioner that #1GF! had laying around, so anyone who says you need special beard conditioner is probably trying to sell you something that does less and costs more than it should
4. Train It Right: Portions of my beard grow in insane directions, and the only way that I can get them in line is to train them. In beard season, I tend to carry one of those cheap, black, plastic combs that only your grandfather and barber seem to posses, and run the fine end of it through my beard while watching TV or reading. Ten or fifteen minutes a day usually takes care of a bulk of the issues.
5. Train It Wrong: I discovered this tip entirely by accident, but I find that it works fairly well. On those days that you wash your beard, it will end up more more wiry because you stripped out the oils. When you get out of the shower on those days, comb your beard in the complete wrong direction and let it air dry. You will probably look insane, so avoid glaring at or making any sudden movements around any women who may be running around your house. Once your beard is dry, comb it in the correct direction, and then smooth it down with a barely damp hand. This will tend to make your beard look a lot bigger than normal, but the hairs learn that your commands will be obeyed.
6. Try Soap: Washing your beard with soap will strip out all the oils completely, which seems like it would make your beard less controllable, right? Well, it does. The benefit is that the whole beard gets bushier, making the uncontrollable patch blend in. It doesn’t seem like sound advice to throw the rest of your beard into chaos to hide a chaotic patch, but if the other methods fail and you don’t mind a bushy beard, this may end up being the only thing that works for you.
7. Weed Out The Trouble Makers: If none of the other methods work, you may have to prune the unruly hairs and rely on its well-trained neighbors to take up the slack. This happens a lot with grey hairs, which are as impossible to get in line as an old man with tattooed forearms. If the patch is so out of control that trimming won’t fix it, you may need to simply try a different style. Remember: there are a lot of beard types that you can choose from, but not all of them were made for your face.
Hope that helps.
If you have any other tips on getting your beard under control, be sure to drop them in the comments.
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August 6th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Try wax. I swear by wax for the hair on top of my head, as well as on the front of it. More effective than gel or grease, without any of the crunchy or sloppy side effects. Indispensable for mustache curling too.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Good list. I’ll keep that in mind during MaBeGroMo. But as Jolly Bloger says I think wax just might be the ultimate beard conqueror, adding a little oils and weight and stuff can’t be a bad thing. I need to buy wax …
August 7th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Since I’ve never had a beard, and most definately hope to never have a beard, I found it insane that I was reading each tip with such intrigue and time and yet there I was.
August 10th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Hey Jon,
Thanks for your work in saving the beard. I consider you one of the leading thinkers in the field.
What do you recommend in the way of tools for keeping it under control?
Safety razor kind of hacks things up so I’m thinking of going to a straight razor (which is more manly anyway) to shape it.
I have been going to the barber to keep it trimmed, but at $5 a pop I’m thinking I should just do it myself. Do you recommend scissors, dedicated beard trimmers, or just plain old hair trimmers (which is what I think my barber uses).
Thanks!
Dave
August 11th, 2008 at 10:49 am
This whole beard thing reminds me of the old Reluctant King saga. Basically a guy out to escape the tyranny of the ruling class by setting off to find a place for himself in the world. He meets some folks, makes some speeches, and saves some damsels, then somehow finds himself sitting on an unwanted throne hailed as a savior. All he wanted was to have a few laughs and score some tail…
Your throne is made from discarded facial hair, my friend.
All hail the reluctant KING.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
ROFLMAO @ Professor Statik. Also LOL @ Joyce.
Is Butch wax the way to go? I met a man with a (I swear this is true I was in Home Depot near the measuring tapes) 16 inch wide handlebar who swore by the stuff. I’ve basically got a modified (by way of lacking enough follicles in the ‘tween the stache and beard area) van dyke, the beard gets a bit wacky in places and the longer bits of the stache (there to take up slack for the MIA follicles) try to fly away.
September 10th, 2008 at 6:13 am
Oh. I simply have to come back here, if not just to post an image or two. Cool way to try out different styles, man.
D
I too have grown an apprx. 10-12 inch beard in the last four years. Maybe I can upload an avatar one of these days…
All the best.
/T
September 17th, 2008 at 12:25 am
Well, I found it funny i stumbled on this page only 2 days after entering the duster race. For those who don’t know, The duster is an annual event at the residence of my university. Last year I got 2nd place out of about 15 guys, went from Sep 17 to sometime in Feb. Rules are
1) No shaving. At all. Not even trimming
2) Must be visible after a week. Baby faces aren’t allowed in because they don’t have to look like a hobo for months and months
3) All Entries, upon the end of the race, buy the winner a drink at the campus bar.
Good time, I had one of the worst looking beards around and got 2nd place, I’m in it to win this year. Gonna try and use some of these tips to outlast the competition. Thanks!
October 28th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
You forgot the beard ZZtop or Smith Brothers. Maybe the Santa Claus. LOL Great site. Thanks for the tips.
December 25th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Great Site. I will be back. I have worn a beard (except for a couple of shaves for Main Ladies who wanted a real face check) since I got out of the Army in ‘73. I wasn’t shaving yet when I signed up and stopped when I got out.
Usual since ‘94 is a shaved head w/moustache and goatee, but most winters I go for the full blown bushy Santa. Since it started turning white this is quite effective and gives one a fresh pallette in January to try out strange stuff during the removal.
I agree with wax for the stache and butchwax is just as good and cheaper than the little tube your barber will sell you.
February 3rd, 2009 at 9:32 pm
THANK YOU for this site, I’m currently growing the Hulihee (whatever that word means).
Rock on,
Thomas
April 7th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Thanks for the beard types. I have a handlebar and chin thing going on. I don’t pull out the handlebars to full points because my wife HATES it when I do that. It was really great to see how many styles you have done. You are an inspiration.
April 18th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I am requesting that you add the “joe dirt” which is mutton chops with a goatee, soul patch, and mustache, but none of them connecting. It’s the best I can grow, but darned if the ladies don’t love it.
August 5th, 2009 at 11:15 am
I’ve never considered the hair training method. Interesting. Typically I’ll just let it go wild when it wants to, but when s/o complains, a little conditioning usually will do the trick to weigh it down a bit.
August 20th, 2009 at 1:03 am
The best way that I have found to take my dark black unruly Beard and moustache is to go to Sallys Beauty supply and pick up 5$ box ogSoftSheen Carson.. Dark and Lovely SUPER— This is a RELAXING Lotion for Coarse Hair….Does not contain LYE. Per The Instructions , mix the 2 lotions and with a small brush (such as an eyeliner Brush) you can place the Relaxing lotion directly on the hair and not on the skin. It is recommended to rub some vasoline around your lips, and areas of skin around your Goatee/Beard, so that the Relaxing lotion will not get in tough of the sensitive skin. I followed theses instructions and left the lotion on for the recommended 18 minutes . and WALAA, my new moustach and Goatee are super soft to the touch, no longer poking straight out, lays flat and is more touchable and pleasing
November 29th, 2009 at 2:07 am
ive been growing a bread ever year for 10 yrs and mine grows crazy longer in some spots and black and blonde on my chin. when i do cut if off i go to a guy who uses a straight razor still samething ever year! lol