Comments on: FACT: Your Kid Will Be A Bigger Pussy Than You Are

By: Just Bill

Just Bill — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:10:51 +0000

Awesome. I would type more but I can barely see from the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. So frickin’ true.

By: Jon

Jon — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 11:12:56 +0000

@Meghan: I hope you yelled “Jimmy Snooka off the top rope!” at least once or twice.

@Yamon: Imagine the carnage when everything is electrically silent…

@Byzantium: The world needs perfectionists to fix the bones of the kids who are banging themselves up.

@Wyn: I read “breadsacks” as “breadsticks” and wondered how soggy bread was going to give you any traction.

By: Wyn

Wyn — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 03:06:36 +0000

I came here from your beard quest page. (Awesome btw.) I was born in the early 80s, but I totally agree. Problem is, I’m also a parent, so I have to fight off all these things they’re trying to put on me and decide the ACTUAL safety of things.

As with previous posters I feel I must post my badges!
Skitched (that’s holding onto a moving car while on rollerblades/skates) on a van doing 40 and had to tuck and roll as it turned a sudden corner. Check.
Used a pile of scrap wood as a two man elevation device and received rusty nail in foot. Check.
Rode from West Texas to Ruidoso, New Mexico on the back dash of a car. Check.
Rode ON the couch in the back of the pickup to keep the COUCH from falling out. Check.
When it snowed mom got out the old breadsacks and rubber banded them over our shoes. We didn’t know ‘nonslip’. My son? He has these rubber galoshes that you could walk up a window with.

@Professor Statik - HellYeah Ninja Stars!

Also - Merry Go Rounds! Where have they taken them too? They’ve been uninstalled at every school ground I have found. We only ever saw ONE kid break a bone on ours growing up, and everyone knew it was because he was slow AND stupid. After all, that’s what the arched bars are for - locking your legs in so you can’t fall off in a crappy way when you’re not capable of jumping.

By: Byzantium

Byzantium — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:40:47 +0000

Oh man, this article says it all. I’m probably younger than most of you guys, so I led a much more sheltered life (though not as much as kids nowadays.) I’ve always been jealous of the cool childhoods my grandma and dad tell me about. I think i missed out on so much, and, seriously, when I see the my little niece and nephew, I want to cry at the messed up childhood they’re getting.
I’ve always thought that when I have kids, I’ll give them free run. Maybe if my mom hadn’t babied me and my sister so much, I would have been more independant sooner, and wouldn’t have been such a perfectionist, or had such problems with social anxiety. Just generally more confident in my capabilities.
I say we all create a commune to raise our kids back-in-the-day style, without interference from modern pussy-making society. There’s lots of worse things than having to deal with a screaming kid ’cause they scraped their knee. Parents aren’t helping them, just softening them up, poor mother-truckers.

By: Yamon

Yamon — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 22:49:40 +0000

My personal bugbear is cars.
In the 70’s, (in the UK anyway), kids were taught, “The Green Cross Code”.
“Stop. Look. Listen.”, was drummed into our skulls until it stuck. And stick it did. I’ve never been struck down by a car. Ever.

Fast forward to today. Now we have ‘traffic calming’ measures, like speed bumps, 20mph speed restrictions in built up areas and patronizing adverts about how if you hit a kid at 40mph there is an 80% chance of them dying but if you hit them at 30mph they have an 80% chance of living. It would be a 100% chance of living if they’d been taught how to cross the fucking road safely in the first place, rather than me having to drive around town as fast as a retard on downers just in case some shit-blister with negligent parents runs out in front of me to get more candy to stuff into their pudgy faces whilst playing Resident Evil 6.5 on their PS3.

All childern aught to know how to remove a splinter from their finger with a pen knife by age 7. Fact!

By: Meghan

Meghan — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 19:41:37 +0000

I love this subject and I’ve been saying the same thing for the last few years. I was born in the 70’s and did my growing up in the 80’s. I played cops & robbers and had a plastic green squirt gun and I remember running around shouting, “Bang, you’re dead” with my friends. Driving around in neighborhood I never see this anymore. Parents are not letting their kids play with guns but I bet they have an X-box in the house. So their fat-ass kids sit around inside and play games that have more graphic violence than some movies.
I also broke 2 wrists in different bike “incidents”! I survived and still have the scars from my skate boarding days. In the winter when my dad had to shovel snow off our flat roof, he would make sure the pile was just right and then we’d jump off, much to my mom’s disapproval! Good times and I’m sorry kids today won’t have such memories.

By: Erin

Erin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 02:00:25 +0000

I’m pretty sure my elementary school jungle gym had wood chips. That’s stabby. And I think should still be in practice! Seriously, what’s with all the padded and rubberized playgrounds? Kids should be out there breaking their arms and scabbing their knees up. If parents want their kids to be safe and sound, just put them in a bubble and roll ‘em around. What doesn’t kill you makes you less of a pussy… or something like that. We’ll enjoy the BBQ AND the Jarts!

By: Jon

Jon — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 22:21:28 +0000

@BonzoGal: Ah the stink bomb.

@Kirsten: The only bike injury I had was in my 20’s, and I went over the handlebars onto pavement at about 20-25 MPH. I broke my elbow, but my head never touched the ground thanks to the tuck and roll training of youth.

@yo sis: That sweet thunder was bad ass. I think there should be an all girl rock band named Sweet Thunder. I’d buy the album even if they sucked. And here’s a sweet Sweet Thunder pic for you.

@Professor Statik: Where did all the wood come from? And where did it go? Oh ninja stars. Did everyone have those things? Where the hell did we get those?

@Pablo: The green machine would’ve been referenced if I knew anyone who had one.

@Jaye: …but what am I so afraid of? I’m afraid that I’m not sure of [something something something]… I’ve added “No Blood, No Foul” to my “Heavy metal bands that I’d start had I Any Talent” list.

@n0ia: I want to say that our elementary school jungle gym was on concrete, but I don’t think that I can prove it.

@Erin: I didn’t actually listen directly. I just hacked into JOSHUA with my sweet haX0ring skills and downloaded the transcripts of your conversation. Then, I got the system to play tic-tac-toe with itself so that it couldn’t trace the call. Thanks for the material, and enjoy the BBQ!

By: Erin

Erin — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:52:40 +0000

Oh man, this rings true. Did you secretly record me and my friends talking, or what? And, we still have Jarts! I’m excited to retrieve them from my mother’s house and have a drunken BBQ…

By: n0ia

n0ia — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 13:18:39 +0000

I think I’m a few years younger than most of the people who have commented, but I can still appreciate most, if not all, of what’s been said.

I never wore a bicycle helmet, and continued the rebellion even after they passed a law in our state that required children under the age of 16 or something like that to wear helmets.

On one rare occasion that we actually had snow/ice one winter, I got an old rickety sled out, took it to a friends house, piled up some snow to create a ramp on one side of the road where a ditch was, started at the top of his driveway laying down on the sled face first, launched off the ramp and (mostly) cleared the ditch. It was awesome, but unfortunately the sled broke on the first launch, so we didn’t get another try.

Remember the playground equipment they used to have? The grid of metal that came out of the ground and created a small arch and went back into the ground? (I can provide a picture if necessary) I was walking across one and fell and busted my forehead open. I ended up not having to get stitches, but it was pretty close. Did I ever get on one again? You bet!

Some things you just have to experience to learn the lesson that’s waiting for you!