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RSSRap Industry Standard: Which Makes The Beard Page?
After some close trimming, beard #25 from my beard page, the Rap Industry Standard is finally complete. The only problem is that #1GF! and I have different opinions on which picture should be added to the beard page.
Even though I told #1GF! that you people are really out of your minds, she still suggested that the tie be broken by the readers. Should “Douche Daddy”, the smooth pimp rapper, or “MC Douchy McDouche”, the rapper hardened on the mean streets of suburbia be added as the official Rap Industry Standard photo?
Cast your vote, and let everyone know which choice sucks the least in the comments. Ya heard?
Which photo should be added as the official Rap Industry Standard?
- Three: 35%
- Two: 21%
- Five: 19%
- One: 12%
- Six: 9%
- Four: 3%
Total Votes: 492
Started: Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Closed: Tuesday, 22 July 2008
June 17th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I think number 3 is the best representation of the beard, however, you just look too soft in that picture for it to be the definitive picture of the “Rap Industry Standard.”
You remind me of the guy from Maroon5 (wtf?) in the first one. So that one’s out fo’ sho’!
Number 4 is a good angle of showing how the mustache and chin merge together with the sides (which is why number 3 would have been a great pic(k)), and you look hard enough that you could at least place 4th, ok maybe 5th, in an amateur rap battle. So number 4 wins my vote.
June 17th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
I voted for 5. I would have voted for one of the hat pictures, but the hat is on your head too properly. Sideways or backwards (maybe even a combo of both) would have swayed me for a hat pic.
Of course I don’t keep up with rap looks, so I may be a couple of years behind in my comments.
Representing the hood! (insert gang signs) later…
June 17th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
i think you need to add a new category: boy band. that’s where douchy mcdouche fits in. number 3 is my favorite. it reminds of a lame-o from 98 degrees or that other boy band that justin timberlake was in.
i agree with KF chud that in order to truly capture MC Douchebag, you need to have the hat cocked to the side. you probably need a new hat too b/c the brim on that one is too curved and you made the FATAL mistake of removing any tags and/or stickers. then, you might need to accessorize with some big ass chain AND take a distance shot where we can see that your jeans are drooping and your holding them up by the crotch.
#2 is slightly reminiscent of house of pain. and you have that icy model stare.
finally you need a backdrop filled with half naked women.
June 17th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I agree with yo sis about the baggy jeans and chain, but you also need to have #1GF! wearing her skin tight dress throwing stacks of money at you.
The hat doesn’t have to be cocked to the side (though the straight brim is the current fad.) Number 4 is the best pic…you have that Donnie Wahlberg thing goin on.
June 17th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
red sox?
do you even follow sports?
June 17th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
LOL @ Donnie Wahlberg.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
*Vanilla Ice called….
he wants his look back.
*he’s playing a barfest in chicago if you want to bring it to him personally.
June 18th, 2008 at 6:46 am
KF Chud is right. The hat pictures I feel are best, but something about how the hat sits just aint it.
Which just backs up what m-shel says. HA! m-shel makes me laugh.
June 18th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I can’t believe the level of analysis. Awesome.
@N0ia: Maroon5? That’s not right. That rap battle was painfully awesome though. I really think that one of the guys might’ve been retarded.
@KFC: I tried the crooked hat, but it looked even worse. I’m not a rapper. I’m a blogger, pretending to be a DJ, pretending to be a rapper.
@yo sis: I thought about going out to the local Goodwill in search of an Ali G style sweatsuit, but there was no way that I could justify spending money just to accessorize a beard picture. The sticker is still on the hat though. It’s under the brim because no one wears it. And beard pictures have to be taken up close to display the beard, so baggy jeans, womens, and crotch grabbing are sort of out. I was going for the house of pain because it’s the closest I could get to looking like a rapper.
@Doles: Some of the pictures that I deleted had the hat crooked and with a straight brim, but the picture worked even less than it does now. Donnie Walhberg? Man, I might’ve accepted Mraky Mark, but Donnie?
@Pablo: The ‘Sox hat was a freebie that is actually owned by #1GF!. The only baseball hats I own would never have fit. One says “Ray Jacks Oil Co.”, another is from a local bank, and the last says “Symantec”. I did the best I could considering the materials on hand.
@M-shel: Vanilla called you, or did you just put money in his cup because you felt bad for him? What it’s like pffbbt psht phbbt phbbt havin’ a ‘roni.
@JJM: Pimpin’ ain’t easy. Turning an old white dude into a pimp is even harder. Don’t hate the player… Wooo OOOOOOT?
June 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am
In #3 you have the optimal upper-lip lift for true douchiness.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Middle daughter and I spent WAYYYYYY too much time totally analyzing those shots. What is wrong with us????
June 19th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
@BonzoGal: Ha!
@Joyce: I don’t think I’m really qualified to give an opinion on what’s wrong with anyone given that I spent a bunch of time putting together pictures of me looking like the king of the douches. Can we hear the results of the analysis, or will we have to wait until it’s published in a medical journal somewhere?
June 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Middle teenage daughter was insistent that you had to wear the hat backwards, straight brimmed only.
June 22nd, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I agree with Joyce’s daughter- the bent brim of your cap takes it out of contention. Mr. BonzoGal, a baseball cap conosseiur (sp?) has noted with great despair that “the kids nowadays” don’t know how to bend a brim.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:23 am
Hey, it’s 5..
Everyone wake up and have your coffee. 5 is the only guy who looks like he could be on the cover of Rolling Stone and could be a mug shot on the front page of the NY times.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Take another picture with a skull cap on. Take it from the other side to show your diamond stud earring and you’ll be all set.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:02 am
You don’t look like anyone I saw in Beat Street??? Am I missing something?
June 25th, 2008 at 10:25 am
@all: I just want it noted for the record that NWA wore bent brims.
@Doles: Diamonds? If I don’t have the cash for Adidas, where am I going to get the cash for bling?
@JJMM: Beat Street? The king of the beat? Without a Kangol, I had no chance at that goal. H-huh huh h-ha.
June 26th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
haha yeah but they also wore jheri curls and bling
and crew neck sweatshirts…
what you needed was a combo of flat brim tilted to the side and shades… but for a flat brim a different hat was required because that one, unlike the new hip ones, was clearly not designed for flatness…
i choose 3 because, as pointed out before, the upper lip really sets it off…