This week, I sat through about ten minutes show called Extreme Dating, which was so good that it was being broadcast at the prime slot of 6:30 AM. The premise was that two people go on a date, but one of them has an earpiece that is connected to the other’s exes. The exes then try to ruin the date by feeding questions and insider information.

This episode had an extremely high-maintenance Swedish girl who was looking for a guy to read poetry to her all day and wait a mere six to eight months while she processed his councilor’s application to Camp Cootchie. The guy, who looked like Kevin Sorbo after a couple of solid whacks to the face with a tire iron, had the girl’s exes in his ear.

As they got into a hot tub, she asked Uglercules to recite her some poetry. He responded with a frustrated, “GeeEEEZ! Can we forGET the poetry?” Just as she started to pout, her exes on the other end of the guy’s earpiece chimed in.

Ex’s: Hold on, I’ve got poetry. Try this on her. Repeat after me. White man came across the sea…
Dude: White man came across the sea.
Ex’s: He brought us pain and misery…
Dude: He brought us pain and misery…
Ex’s: We fought him hard, we fought him well…
Dude: We fought him hard, we fought him well.
Ex’s: Oh my god, I forget the song.
Dude: Oh my god, I forget the song. [Girl exits hot tub]

What Was Worse?

A.) That they were using a song about the slaughter of Native Americans as romantic poetry,
B.) That the guy had no idea that he was being fed Iron Maiden,
C.) That the guy repeated the last line blindly, or
D.) Wait, did you say eight months?

Run To The Hills

While you formulate your answer, feel free to check out a version of Iron Maiden’s “Run to the Hills” recorded live in Gothenburg, Sweden.

Posted in Music, TV, Video