The Secret Lives of Stormtroopers

Are Imperial Stormtroopers really the disposable, brain-dead killers that the media makes them out to be? Contrary to popular belief, very few are. For most, Stormtrooping is just a way to pay the rent and keep food on the table. Because of its potential negative impact on the Empire’s ruthless image, this information has always been a tightly guarded secret.

Until now.

Thanks to some recently obtained photos, we now have indisputable proof that when they’re not out crushing the Rebellion, most Imperial Stormtroopers live their lives just like you and I.

What do they do when they’re not on duty? We now know that they…

  1. Go to parties
    Stormtrooper balloon
  2. Take Hawaiian vacations
    Vacation Stormtrooper
  3. Hang with Buddy Christ
    Jesus Stormtrooper
  4. Run marathons
    Stormtrooper runner
  5. Shop for groceries
    Grocery Stormtrooper
  6. Moonlight at Starbucks
    Starbucks Stormtrooper
  7. Cut it up on the wheels of steel
    DJ Stormtrooper
  8. Ride merry-go-rounds
    Merry go round Stormtrooper
  9. Chill with fish mongers
    Fish Stormtrooper
  10. Hang with French maids
    French Maid Stormtrooper
  11. Go to the mall
    Noodle Stormtrooper
  12. Eat noodles
    Haircut Stormtrooper
  13. Get haircuts
    Meeting Stormtrooper
  14. Attend business meetings
    Subway Stormtrooper
  15. Ride the subway
  16. Rock out with Kiss
    Kiss Stormtrooper
  17. Smoke weed
    Tye Die Stormtrooper
  18. Write advertisements
    Nude Stormtrooper
  19. Make some extra cash pole dancing
    Stripper Stormtrooper
  20. Get hassled by the man
    arrested Stormtrooper
  21. Kick around their lawyers
    Beating Stormtroopers
  22. Check their blood pressure
    Blood pressure Stormtrooper
  23. Hula hoop
    Hula hoop Stormtrooper
  24. March in parades
    Parade of Stormtroopers
  25. Ride amusement park rides
    Amusement park Stormtrooper
  26. Harass Spongebob and his stupid square pants
    Spongebob Stormtrooper
  27. Attend VW car shows
    VW Stormtrooper
  28. Check tomatoes for signs of small, penetrable ventilation ducts
    Tomato Stormtrooper
  29. Audition for Reservoir Dogs
    Classy Stormtrooper
  30. Have breakfast
    breakfast Stormtrooper
  31. Eat in cafeterias
    Cafeteria Stormtroopers
  32. Patronize weirdos
    St. Patty Stormtrooper
  33. Sneak a peak at your junk when you’re drunk
    bathroom Stormtroopers
  34. Catch gnarly waves
    surfing Stormtrooper
  35. Pwn N00bs
    video game Stormtroopers
  36. Listen to Van Halen and wonder, “WWDLRD?”
    Van Halen Stormtrooper
  37. Go book shopping
    Book store Stormtrooper
  38. Hang out with their brother the imperial accountant
    lawyer Stormtroopers
  39. Play with Barbies
    naked barbie Stormtrooper
  40. Chill on the porch
    beer Stormtrooper
  41. Drink dark beer
    drinking Stormtrooper
  42. Drain the main vein
    peeing Stormtrooper
  43. Mow the lawn
    mowing Stormtrooper
  44. Celebrate the holidays
    Christmas Stormtrooper
  45. Relax by the lake
    Posing Stormtrooper
  46. Drink Pepsi
    Pepsi Stormtrooper
  47. aaaAAA AAA Afternoon Delight!
    Picnic Stormtroopers
  48. Get in some cardio
    Gym Stormtrooper
  49. Taunt small children
    Tease Stormtrooper
  50. Go to rock concerts
    Rock concert Stormtrooper
  51. Hit the arcade
    arcade Stormtrooper
  52. Hang with pro wrestlers
    Pro wrestling Stormtrooper
  53. Visit Mexico
    Mexican Stormtrooper
  54. Move major keys right under the DEA’s nose
    Pay phone Stormtrooper
  55. Eat ice cream
    ice cream Stormtrooper
  56. Moonlight for Scotland Yard
    detective Stormtrooper
  57. Hang with rock stars
    Slash Stormtrooper
  58. Everybody say, “Breakdance!”
    Breakdance Stormtrooper
  59. Dine in Middleboro
    Stormtrooper goats
  60. Go bowling
    bowling Stormtrooper
  61. Sit on fences
    posing Stormtrooper on a fence
  62. Sit in windows
     posing Stormtrooper in a window
  63. Hide in swamps
    swamp Stormtrooper
  64. Drop Wookies off at the pool
    poop Stormtrooper
  65. Sing like the King
    Elvis Stormtrooper
  66. Ride their Segways
    Segway Stormtrooper
  67. Play football like the ancient Americans
    football Stormtroopers
  68. Get parking tickets
    parking ticket Stormtroopers
  69. Stunt double for Evil Knievel
    Evil Knievel Stormtroopers
  70. Bag groceries
    Grocery Stormtrooper
  71. Play “go fish”
    card playing Stormtrooper
  72. Go swimming
    Bikini Stormtrooper
  73. Babysit
    babysitting Stormtrooper
  74. Have threesomes
    threesome Stormtrooper
  75. Get milked by Jedis
    milked Stormtrooper
  76. Bench press
    bench press Stormtrooper
  77. Watch TV
    TV Stormtrooper
  78. Attend local sporting events
    Baseball Stormtroopers
  79. Hang out with Ronnie McD
    Ronald McDonald Stormtroopers
  80. Intentionally Ignore Bob
    Bob and the Stormtroopers
  81. Celebrate St. Patty’s Day
    St. Patty;s Day Stormtroopers
  82. Drift race
    drift race Stormtrooper
  83. Pimp their rides
    Pimp my ride Stormtrooper
  84. Go broke
    broke Stormtrooper
  85. Really go broke
    Low budget Stormtroopers
  86. Take public transportation
    Street corner Stormtroopers
  87. Get drunk and check random cars for droids
    car stop Stormtroopers
  88. Dress up like Spiderman
    Spiderman Stormtrooper
  89. Harass Best Buy employees
    Best Buy Stormtrooper
  90. Get crushed by a giant Spiderman
    Spiderman kid and the Stormtroopers
  91. Hang with the ladies from church
    Church lady Stormtroopers
  92. Relax in the pool
    Pool Stormtroopers
  93. Fight the Yakuza
    Hong Kong Stormtrooper
  94. Make new friends
    Uh, what? Stormtroopers
  95. Taunt the rebellion
    piss on the rebellion
  96. Get tattoos
    Stormtroopers tattoos
  97. Commit to Hello Kitty in a serious way
    Hello Kitty Stormtrooper tattoo
  98. Aggrivate Gene Simmons
    Kiss Stormtrooper shirt
  99. Take up amateur photography
    Stormtrooper photographing a babe
  100. Take long walks on the beach
    Beach walking Stormtrooper

See? Stormtroopers are just like you and me.

Did you have some favorites? Let me know in the comments.

10 thoughts on “The Secret Lives of Stormtroopers

  1. i’ve decided what i’m going to do with my life. i’m going to just go through it wearing a storm trooper uniform. it just makes life better…so it seems.

  2. Shouldn’t everyone have a stormtrooper costume? I think so.

    I really wanted to somehow mention “felt” in the Middleboro pic, but then I remembered that felt comes from sheep and I didn’t want to get a punch from Pam.

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