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Where have I been? I turned 35, and had been toying with the idea of shutting this thing down and moving on. I’ve been writing about four posts a week for five years, and I’m not famous. I’m not rich, either. And I’m certainly not a better writer. Hell, not one single irresponsible female has thanked me for all my posts by jamming her sweet, sweet cans into my inbox.
When I consider the amount of time that I sink into this thing, it seems like a pretty big waste of time.
When you consider that all that fucking Jared guy from Subway had to do to achieve fame, riches, and an inbox full of sweater muffins was to shove one less hoagie into his fat-ass face every day, this site looks like a pretty monumental waste of time.
So, I just stopped posting. It seemed more than pointless. And thanks to Google’s retention policy, most of my prospective employers for the next 50 years will be able to find every time I said shit, fuck, cock, dick, ass, and vagina. And if they find my cunt post, this site becomes downright self-destructive.
The thing is, I turned 35 and I really don’t feel like I have much to show at this stage. Nothing in my life is even remotely horrible, but I don’t feel like I’ve actually achieved anything. I work all day wearing off the corners that make me unique, and when I actually have free time, I don’t have the energy or imagination to think up anything better than shopping for music or tech items that I don’t need.
Some people have kids, good jobs, houses, or hobbies that mask their lack of a true calling. Other people hole up and drink a lot. I’m still expecting my true calling to crash down on me like a loose jet engine out of the clear blue sky. And I have no clue even where to stand to even get hit.
Most of the time that seems fine, but when I have milestone birthdays and look at the grand scheme of things, it really, really doesn’t.
So, I stopped spending a large portion of my free time writing to see if anything got clearer.
And it sort of did. Even though I originally started writing this as a virtual memory aid, in the last couple of years, it’s transformed into a way to make new friends and connect with old ones. You all know who you are. You harass me when I don’t write, you were nice enough to make and mail your shameful musical favorites CDs (remember that one? I still have every one of them all…), and now, one of you even visited me.
You’ve gradually turned this virtual monologue into a series of real life dialogs.
And I guess that’s what it’s all about.
That and fart jokes.
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April 25th, 2007 at 5:51 am
keep posting. they’re really great posts. they keep me entertained anyway.
hope you’re feeling better about your blog and your life; i think you’ve got a good life going. i mean, there’s the annual beard growth…that’s pretty amazing…
go buy a ridiculous car. don’t kill the blog.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:33 am
Keep posting is right.
You aren’t alone. I will be 35 in a few weeks. Everytime I go to the gym I put my age in the cardio machines. I still enter 34, and think how old I have gotten and how little I have done. Like I am missing my true calling. I finally said fuck-it last week. I am resigning. Cause this just ain’t cutting it. Don’t be afraid to take that chance if you see what you really want.
April 25th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
I already have a ridiculous car, and it doesn’t help that much. And I applaud the resignation, but I unfortunately have no clue what it is I really want.
April 26th, 2007 at 5:21 am
by the by, i just realized the brilliance of this post’s title. i applaud you.
if you already have a ridiculous car, then what’s the next step? an affair? there ya go, have an affair! then maybe you can get something out of your system….no pun intended.
meanwhile, maybe you could run away and live on a commune and find your true calling there…. who knows?!
April 26th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
I don’t know if I should be encouraged that I’m not the only one who feels this confused, or discouraged that no one else knows the answers either. But I do know that I’m encouraged by reading what you write, and by the fact that you keep doing it.
And if your ridiculous car isn’t helping that much, I don’t think you’re out driving it ridiculously enough.
April 26th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Thanks, Brian. Welcome to my stupid club for jerks.
Affairs are for unhappy people who need extra stress. I’m just not one of those folks.
April 27th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
jon…you must stay bloggy! where would i get my cowbell fixes…and now you’ve added the cover tunes, which makes me giddy. plus, i need to spend ample time coercing you & #1GF to come to Chicago…Keidra told me I had to and I listen to her, she’s fairly wise.
and i second Kerry’s statement about the title.
and if it makes you feel any better…i’ll be 36 in 24 days.
and i’m obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer AND Angel…it doesn’t get a whole lot worse than that, I’m sure.
So…July and August are GREAT months to visit Chicago, September is even better!
April 27th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Jon, Welcome back, I was wondering what happened to you. I know I missed your blogging not quite sure why. Maybe because my life is so boring. About the age thing – ya know you have to stop worrying/caring about thing you can not control and enjoy what you have while you have it. I’m not telling how old I am but #1GF knows !!!
April 27th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
pablo’s lead is a good one. sometimes you won’t figure things out until you take a risk. quit your job, things will fall into place. if they don’t, you have enough money saved up, i’m sure, to take a little soul-searching sabatical. you have amazing skills and talents that can be put to better use. you deserve better than a basement. think about the things you LOVE to do and how you can apply your skills toward that and create a career for yourself. you don’t want to look back on your life thinking it was a waste. it’s YOUR life. Do something with it. Enjoy it. it’s never too late for a career change.