In my haste to avoid any actual writing by cramming this blog full of crappy video links, I failed to mention a few things recently…

One: MABeGroMo

I failed to mention the start of MaBeGroMo on December 1. I started on November 7th to beat the holiday rush. Like women synching their menstrual cycles, Team Beardo at work started around the same time without discussion or provocation. My beard is now two months old. How’s yours?

Two: Macafuckingrena

I read an e-mail from a guy whose signature not only bestowed upon himself the title of “Guru”, but included a quote from someone named “Evil Overlord”. Although I can’t recall the quote exactly, it was of the “I’m so fucking smart and everyone else is an idiot” nature. Now, I might be wrong, but didn’t adding little quotes to your personal e-mail signature go out of style around the same time people stopped thinking the Macarena was cool and CCMail was hot? If you answered “no”, do yourself a favor and delete your quote because no one thinks it’s clever except you. If you’re that guy who wrote that e-mail, I already know that you’re going to add a second clever and scathing quote to your signature just to prove me wrong. That is assuming that you can climb into your lucky quote-searching Underoos and clean the ho-hos from your fingers before getting distracted by some sort of Japanese cartoon porn and falling asleep on your big, guru pillow.

Three: Levi and the Magic Cards

My sister gave me a Christmas card that she bought from a nine year old in Portland who makes and sells his own greeting cards. I wish the card was available at his website, alienswithafros.com, but it’s not.

Above the hand-drawn picture of a Mr. T. with a Santa hat on, it simply reads, “I Pity the fool that Doesn’t Believe in Santa.”

Four: Ultimate Battle Prep

My sister also gave me a single Hulk Hand that she squirreled away when she found it at work. Despite the plethora of paired hulk hands available six months ago for dirt cheap, I find myself unable to find a reasonably priced pair to send to her. I’m thinking that I’d much rather locate a set of Thing Hands and Thing Feet to send along for the ultimate battle. If I could only find them… HULK SMASH!

Five: Corey Hart

#1GF! and I traveled into Boston on New Year’s Eve Day to see the paltry four ice sculptures and four crappy, weirdo plastic wrap sculptures that the city splurged on. I haven’t been in to town in a couple of years, and couldn’t remember how to get from the Public Garden to Copley Place. I refused to ask for directions under the pretense that I’ve been in there a million fucking times and to ask where it was to admit a full and unconditional suburban surrender.

Posted in #1GF!, Anger, Beards, Geeky, Work