I think my inner child has been screaming bloody murder lately. You know those times when people hold the lighter really close to the fuse and wait for someone to bump them? That’s where I’ve figuratively landed over the last few weeks.

And knowing that I have been in that mood, I keep my head down, limit my contact, and try not to blame people for things that aren’t their fault. In my experience, it makes for less apologies later.

And nothing is really wrong.

Maybe it’s realizing that this has become less writing and more lazily linking to crap on the web.

Maybe it’s just getting older and seeing less and less of a point in everything.

Maybe it’s finding I have less and less conviction, and more and more questions.

Maybe it’s filling my life with more and more TV monologues and less personal dialogs.

Maybe it’s listening to construction workers pounding on the walls and swearing while I’m trying to concentrate on the mind-numbingly meaningless bullshit that has to get done.

Maybe it’s knowing that no matter how much effort I put in, I probably will never fit the suit.

Maybe it’s searching for a house for 2 years only to get to the point where I’m standing in a broken down house and actually estimating how much it will cost to raise it, pour a foundation under it, gut it, and start over with it.

Or maybe it’s contemplating this while trying to ignore the obvious smell of a gas leak.

…and then touring a co-worker’s freshly built, unbelievably awesome mansion.

Maybe it’s going to 3 weddings in a month and thinking less about romance and more about odds.

Maybe it’s having 36 new CDs that are less and less of a mood enhancer and more of a safe replacement for booze, drugs, and cigarettes.

Or maybe this is just the time of year when kids have to go back to school, and that screaming nightmare still can’t stand the thought of sitting still all day in clothes that fit as well as he does.

All I know is the little bastard better shut the fuck up and find something to do because this lighter is burning my thumb.

Posted in Philosophical BS