Shopgirl (romance): This was one of two movies rented for #1GF!’s birthday week. The movie is about a girl (Claire Danes) who works at the glove counter at a department store who is caught between a young a-hole (Jason Schwartzman) and and old rich guy (Steve Martin). Even for a chick flick, I thought this sucked. It was like someone told Steve Martin that all of his old comedic peers were taking on more serious roles and he should, too. If he’s hell bent on being taking on serious roles at this stage of the game, he should be a little more picky so that he’s remembered as a versatile comedic actor rather than as “that guy in Shopgirl.” F+

Rumor Has It (romantic comedy): Jennifer Aniston figures out that her family is the inspiration for the movie “The Graduate.” Her grandmother is Mrs. Robinson, her mother had an affair before her parents got married, and she may be Kevin Costner’s love child. Does this sound like there is anything in it for boys? Aside from a brief encounter with the naked back of Jennifer’s right boob, there really isn’t. This was another movie for #1GF! for her birthday weekend. It made me want to kill less than Shopgirl, but Hollywood should find some writers and some talent before committing actual dollars to projects like this. D-

From Beijing with Love (foreign action): This was an attempt at a comedic ripoff of a James Bond film in Chinese. I think I put it in the Netflix queue because it stars Stephen Chow from Kung Fu Hustle. Unfortunately, although I did laugh a couple of times, I don’t really have anything good to say about it. It was low budget, lacked any real comedy, and the translations to English were done by someone who had no more knowledge of English than the present tense. D

Syriana (drama) Ok. Rather than a plot description, the second line of the movie summary mentions George Clooney’s weight gain for the role. I took that as a bad sign, and rightly so. Roger Ebert said this movie was “endlessly fascinating,” but I thought it was just plain endless. I can’t say that the acting was bad, but after two full hours of watching this movie, #1GF! and I quizzically looked at each other for a hint of what the hell had transpired. It had something to do with oil and politics, but beyond that, I have absolutely no clue. None. I felt like one of those poor people who went to see Dune but never read the book. In discussing this with my coworkers, none of them had any idea what had happened, either. Maybe my opinion is an indication that I don’t watch enough CNN, but D-

16 Blocks (thriller): Bruce Willis is a washed out cop that needs to transport a criminal (Mos Def) 16 blocks to the courthouse to testify in front of a grand jury. Unfortunately, a group of crooked cops wants to stop him. This is certainly no masterpiece, but after all the crap I watched, I ended up enjoying this movie. I will say that Mos Def’s vocal acting has the potential to ruin the movie if you let it, but there is instant action, a little philosophy, and the theatrical ending should leave you feeling good. B+

America’s Got Talent (TV): This isn’t a movie, but I hate this show so much that I actually snuck it into a movie review post. Is it me, or can anyone understand how a show could be so absolutely misnamed. It’s the Special Olympics of talent without the associated good feelings. And why have English people suddenly begun to pepper the the TV landscape posing as bitchy little judges? And is Brandy on crack? She’s reminds me of a young Whitney on precipice of meeting Bobby Brown. And why the fuck is David Hasslehog ANY SORT OF JUDGE OF TALENT?? ARGGHH. I wish letter grades went to “G” so that I could give this fucking show an “H”. F-

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