Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey (documentary): This was a general history and exploration of heavy metal as a subculture. As a metal fan, I thought it was really entertaining, although not super informative. #1GF!, who has no interest in heavy metal, found it to be loud. The 2 notes that are important to take from this movie are that 1.)Metal fans are forever. You never hear someone say that they were into Slayer…one summer, and 2.)All music has already been done by Black Sabbath. I would assume that point number 2 includes the Macarena and the Chicken dance, although Sabbath’s versions were a lot darker than today’s versions. Horns up for this movie! B+

Safe House (thriller): Patrick Stewart (Star Trek) plays an ex-government agent that is either being targeted for assassination by the government or he has Alzheimer’s. There isn’t really a lot that I can say about this except that it had all the qualities of a made for TV movie, and Patrick Stewart doesn’t say “Make it so” even once. If Patrick Stewart was a woman, this would be on constant replay on the Lifetime network. C+

The Constant Gardener (thriller): This was supposed to be a movie about a British diplomat who tracks down the people who killed his wife on the plains of Africa. Netflix made me think that there was going to be nail-biting suspense and bone-crunching action that ended in “Your diplomatic immunity has been revoked! [BLAM!]” What I got was a slow, sad movie that can hardly be categorized as a thriller, but it was an Ok watch. C+

Speedo (documentary): Fuckin’ A. This was a documentary about an amateur demolition derby driver from New Jersey who goes by the name of “Speedo.” Speedo is not that bright or cultured, but he loves demolition derby enough that his passion is contagious. That contagion kept me grinning ear to ear the whole way through. My favorite line from the movie comes when Speedo is handing out Speedo (the Swim company) hats to some of the officials at the biggest derby of his career. “Oh do you work for Speedo?” asked one. Completely missing the point, Speedo replies, “Work for Speedo? I am Speedo.” Kick ass. B-

Blue Hill Avenue (drama): Ooh look! Another movie about kids who grow up to be gangstas! The only reason I got this movie is because it was set in Boston. I can’t remember a good plot or any good acting. Come to think of it, I don’t think this made much of an impression at all. C-

Home Movie (documentary): The reason I picked this up is because it was directed by the guy who directed American Movie, which has to be one of my favorite documentaries ever. This documentary was originally shot as a series of commercials for homestore.com on the premise that our homes become our autobiographies. Even though it’s only an hour long, this documentary examines five very different homes (a house boat, missile silo, home of the future, and tree house) and the unique owners that inhabit them. I have to say that I was pretty fascinated throughout, and even #1GF!, who is not a fan of documentaries, left it with a smile. When she asks me where I find these movies, rather than threatening to clog the queue with another fucking Sex in the City disc, I know I have a winner. A-

House of 1000 Corpses (horror): Rob Zombie set out to make a 1970’s B movie. Or that’s what he made. Whether he made a poop that looked like Nixon and proclaimed that he meant to, or whether he just set out to take a crap is beyond me. This started as a slasher horror flick and somehow jumped into being a monster movie. I lost track of what the hell was going on and sort of gave up about three quarters of the way through. I think I’d watch the extended version of MJ’s Thriller video before watching this again. D is for DigitalDarryl.

Cinemania (documentary): This is a documentary about a bunch of New York film buffs who live, eat, and breathe movies. They spend their days going from theater to theater to see the maximum number of movies possible, generally averaging 3 per day. They are virtual encyclopedias of cinema, but the price they pay in terms of social skills is absolutely staggering. If you think you are into movies, this is the movie to prove you’re not. I felt very, very normal after watching this one. And that really doesn’t happen much. B

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