Remember: Tomorrow is 6/6/06. It is the National Day of Slayer, and will hopefully be a debaucherous day full of eatin’, drinkin’, fornicatin’, and maybe krunkin’, whatever the hell that is. Let’s not take our Satanism too seriously, and spend more time on burning loins than burning churches, ok?

I’m looking at you, Norway. And you too, Anita Baker (There is no doubt in my mind that Anita Baker is the Antichrist, put on Earth for the sole purpose of torturing me with her convulsive adult contemporary).

Anyway. I put together the soundtrack to the apocalypse just in case jebus or Anita make a comeback so that I have something to listen to while waiting for the “not so blessed” train to the afterlife. If you want a copy for while you wait, a tolerance for Slayer is required. A Track list will follow tomorrow so as not to ruin the surprise to anyone who gets one.

My suggestions for the tomorrow might be:

• Skip Church.
• Hump something or someone (if available, willing, and of age)
• Don’t hit anyone unless they ask you to. If that’s the case make sure that you have a secret code word like “Orangutan” so you know when you’re going to far. Be satanist, not an asshole.
• Play Guitar Hero until you get stigmata.
• Don’t fuck with anyone walking along with a T-shirt that says, “What would I do?” This goes double if he has a beard and a robe, and triple if it’s David Lee Roth. Hammalazeebale
• Don’t talk to any giant Matt Damon looking guys with wings and no genitalia.
• Hide the matches from anyone wearing a cape or carrying a 12 sided die.
• Get a new Slayer song at 6:06 AM from slayer.net.
• Buy Tickets to the Unholy Alliance Tour with Slayer, Lamb of God and Mastodon
• Give the sign of the devil a lot.
• Sit down and watch Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey.

Posted in Music