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Today, I found out that my ultra-kick-ass suggestion of ROCKIN’ STEVE AUSTIN will probably go unused because the woman who I suggested it to is having a girl. Also previously unknown to me, to extend a naming trend, she is trying to pick a name that starts with the letter “M”. Not allowing myself to be beaten, I did a tiny bit of googling for a list of more suitable suggestions. I sent over my list:
- Mavis,
- Meghan,
- Maisie (optional middle name: Doats)
- Madhulika,
- Majondra (“Jon” is hidden right there in the middle like a piece of spyware),
- Marilyn Manson (for double word score),
- Manhattan (probably a career choice limitation name),
- Manjula (optional middle name: Nahasapeemapetilon)
- [The mother's name] v. 2.0,
- And then there’s Maude. (Compromisin’, enterprisin’ anything but traqulizin’ Right on, Maude.)
She was somehow unimpressed with any of my suggestions.
I headed to lunch and found myself staring into space thinking things like “Mango? No. Minty? No. MooMoo? No,” until I realized that my coworkers had noticed that I was randomly staring into space and laughing. I was forced to let them in on the project.
After lunch, I sent my second edition, explaining that even though I had incurred additional cost by outsourcing some of the work, the baby naming service would be free of charge if there wasn’t a clear winner on the list. I even categorized them for easy perusal:
Uncategorized
- Moon unit (not original, but only used once by the Zappas)
- Maxine (virtually guarantees a job as a waitress)
- Massasoit
- Mabaline
- Mila
- Mariah
- Mackenzie
- Mary Jane
- Mandy (you came and you gave without taking, but I sent you away, Oh Mandy…)
Career Limiting Names
- Misty (borderline)
- Monique (borderline)
- Mercedes
- Mocha
Nice, But Almost Guarantee Teasing
- Melanie
- Monica
- Mona
TV Raises Modern Children, Let it Name Them
- Mickey or Minnie
- Markie
- Marsha (optional middle Marshamarsha)
- Marcy
- Maggie or Marge
- Mallory
- Mothra
- Morgan Mindy
I’m not saying that we won the contract, but I will say that there was a very strong reaction to both “Mocha” and “Morgan Mindy”.
If you have your own bids on this contract, post them in the comments…
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May 25th, 2006 at 11:37 am
i think another category is in order: “This Will Be the Internet Generation”, starting with:
Marzipan (of Homestar Runner fame)
Margolis (bonus for middle name Cindy)
if i could think of a feminine way to twist “MC Chris” i’d throw that in there, too.
May 25th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Not sure where this would fall but how about Mulva from the Seinfeld episode.
http://www.stanthecaddy.com/mulva-delores.html
Just a thought…
May 25th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
- MISTER Rockin’ Steve Austion (Mister in caps, all spelled out)
- Mounds (Cruel, but funny)
- Mister Mister (to celebrate that wonderful 80’s group)
- Maximus (oh wait, she’s having a girl. Nah, it works)
- MADONNA (no middle or last name allowed though)
May 25th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
Medusa – Cause nobody would ever screw with a Gorgon, unless his name is Poseidon or Perseus, and in Poseidon’s case it was with sexual connotation that he screwed her.
Mariska – Cause we need more Olivia Bensons in the world (Law and Order: SVU)
May 25th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Forgot one:
Methuselah’s Grandma – Now when someone tells me that something is older than Methuselah’s Grandma, I’ll have a current date to reference it to.
Mad Hatter
Mad Max(ine)
Mrs. T – Surely she pities fools too.
May 25th, 2006 at 6:10 pm
As good as Mulva, Mrs. T, and (Mad) Maxine, I’m afraid that we will not be getting paid for this job. I can say that my suggestions were all laughed at, and no amount of working “Mocha” into conversations did any good.
Maybe if I had submitted Marzipan or (Mix Master) Mikelina instead of focusing on finding a way to make MeedlyMeedly sound feminine, things would’ve been more lucrative.
May 25th, 2006 at 9:25 pm
Mix-a-lot (she might have a big back when she grows up)
Moscow (it’s better than “People’s Republic of China”)
Montana (big sky baby!)
Mattapan (there might be a nice one somewhere in the world)
Maxima (never know where she was conceived)
McAfee (a personal favorite of Jon’s – not sure how he could have missed it)
de Monet (as in Count …)
Mii (a la Nintendo)
MiCasa (for a little ethnic flare)
June 9th, 2006 at 8:18 am
Madeline
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:29 pm
My husband and I used to tell his mother that our baby would be named Mavis when I was pregnant with our daughter.