Exhibit #1

My beard is so out of control, that coworkers ask me when I’m going to shave it on a daily basis. Today, one actually asked me to keep it, but requested that I shave my head or go with the Mr T. connecto-hawk. While trying to take a picture of the overgrown mess for this exhibit, my camera decided to die. I will now have to panhandle for at least a month or shake down some foo’s to get it fixed or replaced. You will just have to take my word for it that it looks plain crazy.

Exhibit #2

For 2 straight days I have been listening to the same CD on the ride to and from work. The ride is about 40 minutes each way. This does not seem abnormal unless one considers that I have been listening to only 2 songs from the CD over and over. Honestly, it’s more like 1. On repeat. For 40 minutes at a time. Intentionally. I also try to sing the song as much like Johnny Cash like as I can. At full volume. (The song is “Jackson” by Johnny Cash & June Carter) When I get to work, the unfortunate bleed over is that I find myself humming the song unconsciously.

Final Exhibit

For a coworker’s birthday, I sent an e-mail with a picture of Mr. T. that read “Happy Birthday, Fool. P.S. - I pity you.” To say the least, I was pretty amused. For another coworker’s birthday the very next day, I sent an e-mail explaining that Kitt had dropped by my house and left this picture for him. I was more than amused until I realized that even though Kitt wasn’t an IROC, I really should’ve included the phrase “UROC!” somewhere in the text.

Choose Your Own Adventure

You come across a man with an insane beard who is handing out very obviously faked autographed pictures. He is also intermittently and absent-mindedly singing something to himself. What do you do?

If you avoid eye contact and cross the street turn to page 26.
If you make goo goo eyes throw your bra at him turn to page 68.
If you give the man $2 towards a new camera and/or tin foil hat turn to page 42.

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