The second week of my Vacation consisted of sitting on my ass watching my 2 daily episodes of Springer and avoiding the shower. Didn’t I go anywhere? Only to heaven, baby. My life never seems more together than when I’m watching the genetic bouillabaisse on that stage.

A few of my favorite Jerry moments were:

During a Q&A session, a little Caucasian valley girl in the audience stood up with a comment for a very large African-American woman on stage…

Girl: Like, um, you like y’ know have to like totally stop messing with like her flay-va ’cause you gats ya own flay-va… like Kool Aid.
Jerry: ?
Audience: [crickets]
Woman: First of all…you need to stop trying to be black.
Audience: [cheers]
Girl: You don’t know me! Like, you totally don’t know where I’m from!
Audience: [crickets]
Girl: You don’t know me!
Audience: [chants to girl] You-are-black. You-are-black.
Woman: Sit down, honey.

…

In the background of 2 people fighting on stage, I saw a man and a woman in the audience put their foreheads together and smile wide as if to say, “This was the best vacation idea, ever!” I rewound that 10 seconds at least three or four times.

…

Woman: Oh yea? You know your daughter?
Man: Yea…
Woman: She’s your neice.
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHH!

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