I have no idea what the hell I ate yesterday, but when I farted in the shower this morning, I actually uttered “OH JESUS!” and ran back and forth from spigot to towel rack in a primal panic trying to escape. I was so blinded by revulsion that there was only a sliver of sanity keeping me from barreling through the shower curtain and onto the floor like some smelly, soaking Frankenstein monster.

The only thread stopping me was the thought of the #1GF! busting through the door fully expecting Armageddon, only to find me ass in the air tangled in a shower curtain staring up at her shocked face. The only words that I could hear myself muttering before she killed me or died laughing were simply, “Sorry. Farted.”

And then as fast as I had been besieged, I was suddenly and miraculously released, returning me to the business of getting 99 and 44/100 percent clean.

Posted in #1GF!, Misc.