While listening to another CD from my CD challenge, I found myself up on the couch again, playing air guitar to Van Halen’s “Unchained.” This time, my imaginary audience was outside the windows at the front of my apartment.

From behind me, I heard an exasperated #1GF! say, “You seriously don’t care if I’m watching you.”

Just so she wouldn’t feel left out, I ran over to the kitchen side of the stage and played to her for her a bit.

“Switch!” I said, which I seem to always say when switching between air guitar, air bass or air drums, so as not to confuse anyone who might be secretly taping. “I’m Michael Anthony, now.”
“Am I supposed to know who that is?” asked a sauce cooking #1GF!
“Uh, it’s Van Halen’s bass player? Mr. Michael Anthony?” I said before heading back to the more appreciative side of the couch.
[back bending jump]
“Downstairs must love you.”
[throws air guitar into the air and catches it perfectly]
“IT’S CLASSIC VAN HALEN!”
[wide eyed "I don't understand you" staring while still maintaining enough composure to entertain the crowd through the pain]
[wide eyed "there's something wrong with you" staring]
“Seriously. You don’t feel that?”
“No. Sorry.”
[waves over security to remove the hot chick from the stage]

I understand that air guitar might not be socially acceptable, but if it’s in your own home and it’s classic Van Halen, an automatic exception should be given. I read somewhere that the reaction is hard wired into anyone one who has ever heard the song during their teen years while flying around town in a late model Firebird. If you were wearing work boots and sporting a mullet at the time, it burns the reaction in instantaneously.

So, it’s not really my fault. The best you can do is to get me help. No, Wait. Don’t. Yes, do. No, no, please don’t.

Ok. Fine. Whatever you do, just wait until after the show so the fans don’t see.

Switch!

Posted in #1GF!, Music