After fighting off Zotob and the other 14 worms released in the last 2 days, I was very ready to take 2 days off. Today, we got up early and developed a quick plan to meander down some secondary roads to one of the Cape’s finest beaches. If you believe the morons on the internet, like we did, that beach is Sandy Neck.

When I imagine the best beach on the Cape, I think of high, rolling sand dunes covered in sea grass that lead out to soft sand that has been bleached almost white by the sun. If the beach is on the outside of the cape, the sound of waves should thunder in my ears. If it’s the inside, the waves should lap at the shore with a gentle whooossshhhh. There should also be a couple of sets of foot prints in the sand by the water’s edge that lead into the distance, the creators of which I can’t see. And maybe there is a seagull or two that floats by on the gentle breeze.

Maybe it’s because we live on Nantasket that we’re tougher critics of beaches, but I would not say that Sandy Neck is the “best beach on Cape Cod.” It did have dunes, but the beach was pretty rocky and the view of the ocean had a big smokestack jammed in the middle of it. I would say that it’s nice insofar as Nantasket beach is nice, but I wouldn’t go the distance and say it was the best beach on Cape Cod. Maybe the person who rated it so highly was from Iowa or some land locked town in Mass and had never seen a beach before.

That’s not to say the beach was horrible. We did see both Barbi and Ken in the flesh, and 4 teenage girls who spent 15 minutes lying on top of each other in the water to have their picture taken by a 5th. Maybe the person who rated the beach the #1 beach on the Cape, knew these girls to be a regular attraction (Seriously though: When do you see 5 girls lying on top of each other in the water? When do you see 5 people in such close contact outside of a fumble in a professional football game or a rest stop? It was strange…)

After a couple of hours of sitting and trying to relax, we changed in the car like surfers, and headed cross-Cape to Hyannis to grab something to eat. We actually ate at “Not Your Average Joe’s” at the mall, which isn’t very adventurous, but we were starving and knew that the food was good. When asked by the matre’d where we wanted to sit, I could only say, “By the way we are dressed, you are probably aware that we only sit in the finest seats available,” which he seemed to find amusing before seating us at a table way in the back near the waitress station. So much for Mr. Funnyman.

After eating a meal at that time of afternoon typically reserved by people with AARP cards, we headed for Hyannis center so that I could take my half of the fun. For me, that entails picking through the used CDs at Spinnaker records. Their prices aren’t the greatest, but their selection of CDs, t-shirts, and movies is pretty good for a an independent record store on the Cape. While I picked, #1GF! excused herself to window shop up and down the main strip. 45 minutes later she returned wondering how I was progressing, which is polite #1GF! short hand for “Not to boss you around, but can we get the fuck out of here?”

Within 15 minutes, I emerged with 6 new CDs. In her mind, she had generously left me to my CD picking for a WHOLE hour. In my mind, I generously blazed through every used CD in the store in UNDER and hour. Both of us were so proud of how nice we are to each other.

From there, we headed back to the car, passing some teenagers who were dressed exactly the way MTV would have you believe that an inner city gang member would dress. As they passed, they complained that they were unfairly being treated like gang members. I had a full explanation that included phrases like “buy clothes that fit” and “pull your damned pants up,” but I’m over 30, and what teenager wants to listen to it from a guy over 30, even if he is packing more metal CDs than they could possibly stand? None of them do: Because being a teenager isn’t about figuring out the rules, it’s about complaining about how unfair the rules are.

So, I nursed a tall glass of shut the fuck up and just smiled at the #1GF!, happy that I was old enough to know that the rules aren’t really that important and lucky enough to get a couple of days off from them.

Posted in #1GF!, Music