I had an e-mail volley with a co-worker the other day that I thought if seen by a non-nerd type person, it would seem like complete gibberish. What is really going on is a series of subtext containing references to geekish culture that must be met, understood, and returned akin to the Masons’ secret handshake or the challenge/response mechanism of the network server. For the non-geek, I tried to decipher just what the fuck is going on.

E-mail to Me
Hi there. How are you doing down there in the dungeon? I’m glad you enjoyed Sideways (Subliminal text: We’ve never discussed the movie, Sideways, but I know about your blog, and I saw your review of it in there.). Anyway, [SNIP: Work question]

-Mr. Employee

E-mail Response

10 print “Hello.” (Subliminal text: I am a Nerd. I am making a comical reference to the Basic programming language that I used with my Commodore 64 and saved to a tape drive in the years surrounding 1983. Every line in a Basic program had to start with a number for the system to process it. Programmers typically numbered the lines by tens so that if they needed to insert lines later they would not have to re-number every line in their code.)

20 print “The dungeon is great. My power is growing every day. With a 5th level sword of power, a cloak of invisibility, and a short sword that’s a +5 against ogres, I will inevitably be dungeon master soon. (Subliminal text: Even though I never played Dungeons & Dragons, it is required that nerds be capable of speaking about it. Do you understand the reference?)

30 print “Your happiness with my choice of movies is, as you know, paramount to my success. For $5 extra per month, you can upgrade to the gold plan, and I will be glad to agree with ALL movies of your choice, eliminating all the aggravating guesswork. Limited offer. Act now.” (Subliminal text: So, you read my blog. Whoopdeedoo. I’m sarcastic and witty. Fear my line. (Subliminal within the Subliminal: “Fear my Pink line is a reference to a 2 year old article in Electronic Gaming Monthly where today’s kids played 80′s video games and told an interviewer what they thought of them. While playing Pong, one of the kids said, “My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line. Fear my pink line. You have no chance. I am the undisputed lord of virtual tennis. [Misses ball] Whoops.” which, for some reason, can still be heard occasionally in the dungeon where I work. ))

40 print [SNIP: work related]
50 print [SNIP: work related]
60 print “Thanks.” (Subliminal text: I’m professional.)

70 print “King Magnus Resillius”(Subliminal text: …but not that professional.)
80 print “Heir to the Dungeon Throne”(Subliminal text: …at all.)

E-mail to Me:
Echo off (Subliminal text:I caught your reference, and I’m dropping a DOS reference to counter. Although “Echo Off” means that you shouldn’t see any of the following text, I thought that a simple mail with just “Echo Off”, even though accurate and funny, would have been a waste of an e-mail. But, I get it.)

I see. [SNIP: Work related] I think the silver plan is fine for me, seeing that my raise isn’t even $5/week. (Subliminal text: Monetarily they’re choking me more than the air in that fetid basement chokes you.) FIND THE HALFLING!! (Subliminal text: I see your Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Master reference and raise you a Lord of the Rings Reference. I have seen the trilogy, but I didn’t wear a cape or make the woman selling me popcorn call me by my Elvish name.)

E-mail Response
[SNIP: work related]
It is not the halfling that is the issue. It’s the valkyrie and the elf: they keep shooting the food. (Subliminal text: I see your Lord of the Rings Reference, and I raise you a reference to the 1985 classic arcade game Gauntlet, in which four players: A wizard, an elf, a warrior, and a valkyrie ran around fighting cooperatively. In the game, the elf shot so fast that he would invariably shoot the food that was required to repair the health of the other players. The game would announce things like “The elf shot the food,” or “Warrior needs food badly,” or warrior is about to die.”)

E-mail to Me:
[SNIP: work related]
I am intrigued by the elf and the Valkyrie shooting the food. That must be annoying. I got a kick out of that. Have a good one. (Subliminal text: Caught the references. I have completed all tests successfully.)

Posted in Geeky, Work