The Princess and the Warrior (German drama): This film shares the director and lead actress with Run, Lola, Run, but nothing more. Some of the shots are nice, but I can’t say that any of it had any lasting effect on me. C

Sideways (drama): This is the story of a gregarious actor and an introverted author who go on a winery tour the weekend before one is supposed to get married. I didn’t expect much from the film because I was told that it was a depressing movie about an alcoholic, so I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be an in-depth character study of a perpetual victim. I didn’t find it depressing, and even though the ending left me hanging (which I really hate), I can’t say that there was a more perfect ending to the film. B

Mean Girls (comedy): There is no way in hell that I wanted to like this film. Before I even watched the movie, I had a grudge against it for being such a direct and total rip off of the movie Heathers that it really should be classified as a derivative work. I liked the movie Heathers, and the simple fact that the current generation of young movie goers has no idea that the movie exists doesn’t mean that Hollywood should re-make and repackage it with a hip young cast, does it? “Hell No,” I thought. Then, I sat down and watched it and found that even though it was almost the same story, Mean Girls was actually funnier than my generation’s version. B+

Da Ali G. Show Disc 1 (comedy): He’s a white guy pretending to be an Indian guy pretending to be a rapper. He interviews world leaders (I have no idea how he gets the access) while wearing a big yellow sweatsuit and gold chains. And he asks moronic questions that make women roll their eyes and me roll on the floor. B+ for Booyakasha!

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (comedy): As a man, reviewing this movie is as useful as sitting down and reviewing a bra. It was so wholely and intentionally made for women, that I have no idea what the criteria are to even begin to judge it. The GF said she could’ve lived without it, so F. Oops? Is that a rating, then? F? I suppose so. F-itty eF eF F Burn your bras!

Saw (thriller?): Ok. If you want to see “Saw” done correctly, see Se7en. For Saw, the plot twist at the end was so stupid that I my head involuntarily lolled, the gore was over-done, and I don’t think that there could’ve been worse acting from people who make their living in front of a camera. The end of the 2 hours went something like this:
Me: Shit.
GF: I want it all back.
Me: The time?
GF: Yes, all of it.
Me: It could’ve been worse.
GF: [quizzical silence]
Me: We could’ve been forced to blow a donkey in a Mexican jail…
GF: Still…

Short Cuts (drama): This was the story of how a bunch of lives in Los Angeles intersected. It has an all star cast, and some really great acting, but it’s 3 hours long and really doesn’t go anywhere. I can say that it’s easy to get involved with the characters on an enjoyable 3 hour ride to nowhere, but this is really a character study, and not for a lot of people. B+

Sex & Lucia (Spanish drama): If you are into spending an hour watching Paz Vega walk around naked or guys showing the full Monty, this is the movie for you (Three quarters through the movie, I actually pointed at the screen and said “Holy crap! Look at that dude’s dong!” I didn’t want to, but it was a knee jerk reaction to seeing a baby’s arm holding an apple attached to a man’s midsection. The GF just calmly said, “Don’t point.”). If you want normal things like plot, characters, cinematography, I’d look elsewhere. Boobies: A. Dongs: Sorry, I don’t rate dongs. Movie: C-

Thomas Crown Affair (Whodunit?): A Rich dude pulls off stealing a painting from an art museum and a woman investigator wants to catch him. That’s it. Not bad. Not great. Regular. B-

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