Ray (drama): If you haven’t heard the buzz from the critics to your grandma, everybody just looooves this movie about Ray Charles’s life. Jamie Foxx does an excellent job of playing ray Charles. His performance was so damned convincing that I would bet that if he played a cactus in the desert, I would start sweating in my seat. Unfortunately, two hours of staring at a fucking cactus is two hours of staring at a fucking cactus, no matter how realistic it seems. The same goes for Ray. Cut the motherfucker down to an hour long ABC after school special on the dangers of shooting horse with jazz musicians, and I’ll bump it to a B and get on with my life. C+

Wicker Park (drama): There was this crap movie in the early 90′s called Single White Female, about a psycho female stalker. Even though it was deemed a thriller, the movie was pretty stingy with the thrill, and a pretty generous waste time. Now, let’s say we squeeze that tiny bit of thriller out of SWF, and add in a lot of grainy, artistic flashbacks and shots that go on too long. Then, top it all off by taking any semblance of writing and handing it over to the interns. We would then have a film called “Wicker Park”. I think I subconsciously forced the need to urinate about 12 times during this movie. Then I cooked some chicken. I just couldn’t take it. D

White (drama): This was the second in a series of three films that were supposed to deal with French society. The First, Blue, had some nice shots, but made no fucking sense. This one gave up the nice shots. I didn’t make my GF watch this, and I should’ve spent the time more wisely. I’m not even going to bother mentioning the plot. C-

The Secretary (drama/dark comedy): This is an S&M movie, so it’s probably not for most people, but I can say that this is easily one of the strangest love stories that I have ever seen on film. Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a girl who is released from a mental hospital and gets a job working as a lawyer’s secretary. The way she kept her character walking a line between being a woman and being a child was pretty amazing and the plot was strange enough to keep me watching. B+

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