Because I work in a technology field, I like to think that all the people I work with like an orchard full of giant, pulsating geek brains chock full of juicy information ripe for the picking. But a conversation I had today pointed out that not only is my definition of who is a geek too wide, and my definition of those acting within geek culture is too narrow, but that simply working in the technology field does not a geek make:

Scene: A Technology manager walks by table of geeks eating lunch.

Me: What’s up man?
Him: Hey, Didn’t see you at the Christmas party last night.
Me: Yea. Out of bullets (I make management type “looking good” finger guns). Plus, you know (weighing motion) Playstation… Christmas Party… Playstation…
Him: (Semi-horrified look) Whoa there. Don’t let other people hear you saying that.
Me (+ table of geeks): blank stares
Him: …That you play Playstation.
Me (+ table of geeks): blank stares
Him: I mean wouldn’t go telling people that.
Me: (after pause) I think I know what the problem is. You’re not a geek. Don’t say what you just said in front of other geeks.
Him: I’m a geek
Me: No, you’re not.
Him: A little bit.
Me mmm no.
Him: I used to play Nintendo. Totally addicted.
Me: …When you were a kid
Him: Ok, fine then.
Me (+ table of geeks): head shaking

In my mind, I always thought that most people that work in technology are the geeks. Within that circle, I thought that there was a subset of hip, young, bored-looking people with black clothes, IPods, and tiny metal glasses that make you want to just punch them in the face. To me, those people are the ones involved in (and use finger quotes when they say) “Geek Culture.”

But this conversation caught me off guard enough that I began to wonder if geeks actually even have a culture. Is a geek a solo misfit, or are there patterns of common language, customs, and artifacts that bind geeks and create a culture? Because I am consistently surrounded by geeks, I think I assumed that geek culture didn’t exist, because it’s pervasive enough in my life that I have little to contrast it to. I just followed the typical American pattern of making an uninformed decision on the subject with nothing to back it up: Geeks have no culture, and those that think that they do, are simply elitists that need a good punch in the face.

So, is there a geek culture, or is it elitist bullshit? I honestly don’t think that being a geek is an exclusive club or a fashion statement, and I think defining it is as elusive as trying to describe what is “punk rock” about “punk rock” to a Midwestern housewife. Like obscenity, geeks are hard to define on an individual basis, but you know one when you see one. Yet, if we examine geeks as a group on the basis of language, customs and artifacts, what emerges is something resembling a culture.

Language: Any fucktard in a tie can sound like they’re transferring important information when they bullshit their way through a conversation with buzzwords like “synergy” and “paradigms” but what are they really saying? Because there are no real concepts behind the words, there’s no real language, and thus, no knowledge transfer. No concepts + no knowledge transfer = no language. They’re not really saying anything at all. It’s the professional equivalent of baby talk.

Geek speak is equally as intelligible as corporate jargon to someone who’s never heard it before. If you listen in on a table of geeks, to the untrained ear it sounds like the same bullshit. The difference is that the language used by geeks describes real information and transfers real knowledge between the participants. The transfer of knowledge with words known within a certain group is, by definition, language. If the language is mainly understood only by the members of a certain group, can that group be said to have their own language?

Customs: Do geeks share customs? You bet. They may not admit it, but they all can name at least one video game that they absolutely could not stop playing. They like gadgets. They tend to home brew solutions, and may take some of your favorite things apart to see how they work if left alone for extended periods. They have the right ideas, but are more inclined to use the wrong words to express them (as opposed to corporate culture which can be defined as the right words for wrong ideas). Because mental laziness is not a virtue, they know to google for answers before asking questions, and will generally tell a N00B to RTFM before lending them a hand. And they value the right solutions over the right tie.

Artifacts: What do geeks have as artifacts? They have gadgets in their pockets, caffeine in their veins, and technical manuals on their shelves. They also carry tiny screwdrivers.

So, by the simple criteria above, do geeks have a culture? I would say so. Did I find myself inside of it staring out, today? Yep, I did. Does it matter? Not at all. Is there a good test of who is in and who is out? Not really. Testing a person’s cultural geekiosity in one simple sentence is a tall order, but let’s try:

Did you understand the title, or think that it might indicate a loss of synergy in my paradigm that should be taken off line? One answer would indicate a knowledge of geek culture, and one would not.

An oldie, but a goodie: (All your History)

Posted in Geeky