Another Planet
After checking spec after spec, and car after car, I figured that the only real way to know if I like a car is to get away from the computer screen and go drive it. I set out today to test drive a few cars without having to drive all the way up to the automile, so I visited a couple of dealers close to home.

As it is very similar to Nissan’s Japan-only Skyline GT-R, I wanted to get into the Infiniti G35. The coupe’s front seat was so small that it would require a buzz cut to keep my head from hitting the roof, and the back seat would’ve required full decapitation. Despite the 260 horses, AWD, and the nice response (which on one occasion threw the salesman explaining the climate control forcefully into the back seat) the lack of a manual transmission left me wanting. Also, the sedan seemed like more of a large, fancy grampa car than I wanted to get into. I felt like the upgrade path from the G35 would be directly to white shoes and a cream colored Cadillac.

The next car I wanted to try out was the Subaru Impreza WRX STi. It’s an ugly ass car with a turbo charged 4 cylinder that puts out 300 Hp and 300 ft. lbs. of torque. Ugly or not, it goes from 0-60 in under 5 seconds.

I went to Planet Subaru in Hanover and wandered around for 5 or 10 minutes without getting even a simple greeting from any of the staff. When I went to the desk to ask if I could see the WRX-STi, the guy handed me the keys. When I told him that it was blocked in, he told me (get this) that it was a high risk car that they don’t let off the lot. When asked how you get the feel for the car that you can’t drive, he said that you try another model and you estimate based on that. I think the dropped jaw and ensuing questions adequately conveyed my concern that the planet that “Planet Subaru” refers to is obviously not Earth. I wasn’t trying to listen to a CD before I bought it. This was a car. And buying cars requires driving them. Who the hell buys a car blind?

After seeing the 15 year old sales manager (who was trying to look managerial while busily playing solitaire or surfing porn), and hearing this incredible bunch of crap, I started wondering how the place stays in business…but I went and sat in the ugly ass car for 5 minutes, anyway. Like some of my ex’s, it’s as ugly on the inside as it is on the outside. Being that I’m used to a crisp Honda gearbox, even though the shifting was nice and short, it was pretty damned unintuitive. This was all noted as I sat there like a six year old pretending to change gears and squeal around corners to get the feel for the car. Thank goodness no one was watching.

The only saving grace for the STi is what is under the hood, and on Planet Subaru, that’s a little to “risky” to let a prospective buyer near.

I ask you, “WTF?”

Saving Grace
After the whole BS at the Subaru dealer, I was glad to go see the GF’s niece, whose tiny smile and fat cheeks have little idea of what kind of horseshit they stack into car dealerships these days. On the way home, we discussed the GF’s sister in law referring to me as “Uncle Jonny.” As the GF and I are not married, this is a very kind inclusion to bestow upon me, but technically incorrect. It was like getting an honorary doctorate.

When the GF asked me if this was ok with me, I said that I was actually pretty pleased with it. And if I had stopped there, it would’ve been ok. Unfortunately, I added, “Well I think we are pretty solid. There’s no stopping this thing, anyway. It’s like a freight train.”

I don’t think it came out the way I meant it.

Posted in #1GF!, Cars