Dear George,

No nude pictures have come in since yesterday’s post. I think that women are actually observing your national no porno week.

In your memo, you stated, “I call upon public officials, law enforcement officers, parents, and all the people of the United States to observe this week with appropriate programs and activities…”

I have no idea what you mean by “appropriate” activities, but I assume that it is a winking nod to beating up gays, hookers, strippers, perverts, freaks, and anyone with a penis larger a Texas inch. I wish you were more clear.

I would like to thank you for the week, though, as I am going to buy up all available porno, as this meaningful, far reaching, and important announcement will depress prices on “Shaving Ryan’s Privates,” “Sperms Of Endearment,” “Honey, I Blew Everybody,” “The Loin King,” and maybe even “All Anal on the Western Front” to an all time low.

With all due respect, I think it’s time that we have a pro-porno week, just to be fair to the other side. We may even loosen up a little and stop killing each other over pissing contests, and focus on things that are important. You know what I’m saying. Yes you do. wink wink. Starts with boo, ends in bees. That’s right, buddy, don’t let them tell you you’re dumb.

But please let it be known, that your decree, while inadvertently providing me with cheaper porno movies, deprives me of another avenue of happiness, namely nudie pics in my e-mail.

I admit that your decree may not be the problem, as the women may not yet own digital cameras due to the poor economy, or may have even mistyped my e-mail address, due to lack of funding to our school systems.

So, to close, I’m finding it difficult to form a global pornographic empire without naked women. As a pro-business leader, you can understand this. Please do not make me revisit my business model, as it is obviously sound.

Thanks for your Time,
Jon

Posted in Happy, Philosophical BS