Idea IV: Lord of the Dance

Dance recitals are fun for about 5 minutes, while you watch the kid that you know dance. Unfortunately, you have to sit through a couple of hours of everyone else’s kid to get there. The one that I attended this weekend featured 24 acts for 12 sets of dancers. The first twelve acts were tap, the second twelve were ballet slippers. When the second round began, at act thirteen, the three year old in row front of me realized that the girls were the same as the ones from group number one.

Again? They’re going again? No, Mummy. Pleaaaaaaasssseee. Let’s goooooo. Pleeeeeaaaaaasssse.

Idea V: Notel Motel

Is it possible to recycle all the Hotel soaps that get used once and thrown away? For sanitary reasons would you have to shave off the outer layer of soap (or at least comb it nicely)? Is there money or value in such a proposal? Would it be beneficial to tell people that the soap was recycled? If not, would you have to tell them?

Idea VI: The Cricket

Is it possible to create a device that will interact with the electronic part of a musical birthday card to make it remote controlled? Then you could hide the thing in someone’s desk or room, and shut it off the minute they start honing in on it.

Like a cricket.

Idea VI: I was a Teenage Zombie

Say you’re dreaming that you’re running away from zombies. You know that if they bite you, you will become a zombie too. You are very careful, running a lot, hiding a lot, and shooting a lot. Then, you get bitten.

Shit. Now, you’re a zombie, too. You confirm this by looking into a mirror and seeing dark circles under your own eyes. So, you say “fuck it,” and go sit on the black leather sectional sofa and hang out with the other zombies. You find that you feel pretty much like you did as a normal person, with the exception that you now have dark circles under your eyes. Nothing’s really changed except that you are no longer running away, being paranoid, and fighting all the time. You find that being a zombie suits you.

Then, some idiot finds the antidote for being a zombie, and you’re outnumbered once again. People begin to set up zombie traps, and build stupid obstacles that zombies aren’t supposed to be able to cross. You’re on the run again, breaking down doors and hiding in empty houses. You try to act normal when in the presence of normal people, but they pick off that you’re a zombie almost instantly by the dark circles under your eyes. You think to yourself, “I should just take the antidote,” but for some reason, you keep running…

and running…

and running…

Idea VII: High Balls and Lucky Strikes

Rat Pack Impersonators (Frank, Dino, Sammy, for sure. I’m not sure if Lawford and Bishop will be overlooked) will be playing at the Wonderland Ballroom in Reveah on May 17th. It’s a full on show with dinner, and it costs around $45. I’m going to try to get tickets, and if you want to go, I suggest you do the same. I cannot vouch for the quality of the show, but it is being advertised on stations like Easy 99.1 FM, and WXKS 1430AM, Boston’s die peacefully (to Sinatra) in your sleep stations. For info, call (781) 289-3080. If it’s sold out and you have tickets, I will kick myself for this post. Now where’s that skinny tie…

Posted in Happy, Music, Philosophical BS