I walked out of work today into bitter, bitter cold. It’s 7 degrees, and for some reason I’m still pretty concerned about the homeless. I’m not a very empathetic person. I never have been. I need personal experience to wake me up to circumstances that affect other people’s lives. Before I broke my elbow, I wasn’t all that sensitive to my friends when they broke something. The’d get a quick, “Man, that sucks,” and I’d move right along. After I broke my elbow, I could understand the grinding discomfort, the need for a little sympathy, the frustration of expending a lot of physical effort for little progress at mundane tasks. That’s the way I’ve always been.

Life has thrown obstacles in my path, and has provided me with a ton of different situations to to do nothing more than nurture an empathy that, in me, is not innate. I know what it’s like to win, and I know how it is to miss the brass ring by a hair. I know what it’s like to be told that you can’t when you can, and what it’s like to be told that you can, when you can’t. I know how it is to be an alcoholic, and to hit the bottom. I also know how hopeful that things can look from there. I know what a joy, and pain in the ass it is to smoke two packs of reds a day, and what’s like to quit cold turkey. I know what it’s like to lose someone close, and to find someone special. I know what it’s like to be married, and go through a lengthy divorce. I know what it’s like to be in love, and what it’s like to be truly lonely in a crowd. I know what it’s like to be dumped after tattooing someone’s name on your arm (beat that one), and what it’s like to bury that girl in a shallow grace in Tulsa, Okl…nevermind that one. I know what it is to get fucked over, and I know how sweet revenge can seem. I know what it’s like to feel trapped, and I know how it feels to run away from home. I know how it feels when someone burns your house down, and I know how it feels to rebuild it. I know what it is to owe, and what it is to lend. I know what it is to be a Muslim and a Christian as well as a Republican, Democrat and Libertarian. I know what it’s like to be a prick, a jock, and a misfit. I know what it’s like to really care about even the most minor details, and what it’s like to not give a rats ass about anyone or anything. I know what’s it’s like to have bad genes, and I may someday know the luck of a kidney transplant. I know what it’s like to be picked on day after day for just being yourself. I also know what it’s like to bang a bully’s head on something until he knows what he’s doing is wrong. I know what it is to fly under the radar, and to have the disciplinarian watch your every move. I know what it’s like to be loved, and I know what it is to be feared. I know what it’s like to have someone consistently forget your name, and what it’s like to be the guy that always forgets yours. And the list gets longer every day…well, every month, anyway. I think it’s just so that I might have some sort of idea where people might be coming from, and that we might share something as simple as a smile.

There are a ton of things that I can’t know, and some that I will hopefully never know. I don’t know what it’s like to be homeless, and I don’t know how it feels to live on the streets. And when it’s this cold, the ones left out there, by choice or by necessity, are the ones who die. In a “civilized” society, I really don’t think that it’s very fair. For some reason, I am very empathetic, and it’s way out of character for me. If I only knew just what to do…

Posted in Philosophical BS