Spent the day making sauce. It’s the first batch of the year, and it’s only been going for six hours, but it doesn’t taste right to me, yet. The pork has broken down pretty well, and the two ponds of sausages have been added, but I’m out of wine. I’m sure that it’ll all come together in the next six. I’ve been relaxing inside for two days, and thanks to weather, I don’t have to feel guilty about it. Sometimes I just need to sit, and if the weather is really good, I end up driving around trying to get things done, rather than enjoying doing nothing. I seek to “enjoy the day” and end up realizing that I would’ve enjoyed it more with a good book and complete disregard for hygiene.

The sauce should be done tomorrow night, and if you would like some, please e-mail me above. Three things: I have plenty, I’m not mailing it and there is a limit of enough sauce for two people.

So, I made sauce, sat watching movies, and played some video games. This isn’t to say that I didn’t get anything accomplished, though. I went out to get a winter hat, gloves, and a new set of hair clippers. Even though it’s pretty far, I headed for Wal-Mart because I was positive that they would have all three. I hate Wal-Mart. It might be the type of sweatpants wearing, pushy, heavyset, toothless freaks that seem to congregate there, or it might be the slow checkers and long lines. I don’t know what it is, but it produces a feeling that I don’t want any part of.

Yet, I spent twenty minutes deciding whether I would put on sweat pants expressly to go there, just to say I had done so. I was laughing like hell to myself, and eventually gave up on the idea, as none of the people would get it, wearing sweats there might become routine, and I would lose all my teeth and gain 100 pounds. I decided not to risk it, showered, and put on jeans like a normal person.

Last year, I got a ski mask there for a buck. It was $.96 before tax, to be exact. That is enough to make me go back this year. I lost a lot of stuff in the moves, and I’m not going to tear apart my storage space for a dollar. I wouldn’t do it for a Lincoln, I’m sure not doing it for a Washington. I opted for a regular knit hat this year, even though the ski mask is way funnier, and much warmer for my face when shoveling. The problem with the mask, when used as a hat is that the little eye holes let snow in. Because I wear it as a hat more often than a ski mask, I figured that I would go with the plain hat as my primary hat this year. I regretted my choice the minute I pulled into the 7-11, low on funds.

I picked up gloves, too. They were around $5, blue and black, and extend halfway up my forearm. They look like something a space gentleman might slap an insulting robot with. They are 100 grain fleece on the inside, so I figured despite the look of them, I made a good buy. And don’t think that if an insulting androids steps up, that I’m not prepared to use them to get into some intergalactic space duel. My honor will remain in tact.

I also picked up the clippers to extend the length of time between haircuts. A little trim of the neck beard, and you’ve saved a week. I also decided to start growing a really crappy beard like I do every couple of years when I forget how bad a beard actually looks on me. It’s been going for 3 weeks, and needs to be trimmed as evenly as an Asian teenagers mustache can be. Oh, well.

The goal is to grow a really long beard. A beard that moves when I talk. A beard that I can store things in. A friend. Wait, scratch that last one, and change it to “A beard that I can put rubber bands in like Lou Albano“. I’ll get tired of it long before then, though, I’m afraid.

Anyway, most of the clippers on display came with 27 attachments. Some clipers claimed “attachments” that were, in reality, posing as brushes, combs, tarps, and videos. One even came with a rotary nose hair clipper and a brush, and masqueraded them as attachments. I’m not sure how they would be attached to the clippers, and I wasn’t interested enough to find out. I just wanted a bunch of combs for different lenths, maybe a regular comb, and possibly a big blue jar of alcohol to store them in. I got what I wanted, and did it for under $20. Nice deal. The one I bought even has a video with it, although it doesn’t attach well to the clippers. It actually sort of gets in the way. I don’t have a VCR, but it looks like it could be entertaining.

My new clippers also have a turbo button. What the hell it’s for, I’m unsure. It says that it’s for tough to cut patches or something. I think they mean when you have to cut gum out of your hair or shave the dog. As I haven’t had gum in my hair since middle school, and I don’t have a dog, my only joy with the button it to press the button while holding the clippers straight armed above my haed and yelling, “TURBO!” It’s not useful, but it makes the button feel good about itself, rather than a useless marketing ploy. Poor button. Maybe I should try it with my space gloves on. I think I smell a super hero brewing…

Posted in Beards, Food