Why the hell is fun-size candy so damned small? When I think of candy being fun-size, I think more like pool table size. The world is topsy-turvey, damn it all to hell.

The Gov’t

A friend at work sent me an article on how the government, in the name of tracking terrorism, is going to track all online purchases and build a massive database around each of us through the Total Information Awareness (TIA) Program. it sounded so far fetched that I thought that it was fake. Unfortunately, not only is this real, but it’s a blow for privacy rights, and could turn your ISP into a spy against you.

“If you have nothing to hide then… Before you finish that sentence, I’d like to offer you a big glass of shut the fuck up to wash down that mouthful of ignorance. Those who believe that the government can infringe on personal rights for the preservation of freedom deserve to be bound with their request. Once you give an inch under the assumption that the information will not fall into the wrong hands, it’s too late. It already has.

Oh, and who’s running the organization? You may remember Admiral Poindexter from his 1990 conviction for lying to congress in the Iran-Contra scandal. For more information, you can read this article, or do a simple google search.

Where’s the Beef?

The blog has been down for a few days, as I have been curled up sick. I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, never mind blogging. I don’t really feel like blogging now, but I feel it is needed for those of you that actually read.

Palatzo

One of my good friends is being inducted into his high school’s sports Hall of Fame tonight. Not only do I think that this is a great achievement, but I think that we are now officially old men. I have been saving a bottle of Old Spice for this very occasion. When I was a student, I used to look at the caricatures of past Hall of Famers and wonder who the hell was Jim “Sparky” Jones, or Bill “23 skiddoo” Patterson, and how do you actually get to be one. Now I know the answer: Pick a sport, be really good at it, never let up on the old school spirit, and wait 15 years. I can’t believe I know an inductee. It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Enrico “Palatzo” Fagerlund: Congratulations!

My Cousin

I got a nice e-mail from my cousin saying that she gets a kick out of this blog and finds it touching at times. Being someone who loves to entertain, but can’t see the reactions from very many people on these little articles, it means a lot. I sent an e-mail like hers to another blogger a few months ago, thanking them for their writing. Like radio, this medium provides little feedback, and when it does, it’s rarely good. Thanks T. You’ve been blogged.

Two French guys built a virtual reality landscape from actual pictures that they took in New York. They are traveling with the exhibition, where people can “fly” through the virtual streets of New York with the aid of a joystick. Their VR city covers two and a half miles, but only takes up 40 MB on disk. For non-geeks, that is incredibly small. Go look. NewYorkExitNewYork.

In my quest to build this PC/MP3 component, I found 2 more links, and I’m adding them purely for the projecteers:

• Pre-built LCD driver
• Device::ParallelPort Perl Module

It seems that I will be taking on the role of getting the VFD, and figuring out how to build and control it. If anyone wants to help, they are welcome.

By the way, You-Do-It-Electronics, the king of electronics stores, does not carry VFDs or LCDs, just in case you were thinking that you would drive all the way out there during your lunch hour. At least they knew what I was talking about, so you have to give them some credit. It’s not like I was stupid enough to drive all the way out there without calling or anything. No. Not me. Stay away from my odometer.

Whistle whistle whistle.

Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons."

-Popular Mechanics, March 1949

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”

-Bill Gates, 1981

I know that I’m a geek: Not a hip, funky clothes wearing, small glasses wearing, latte sipping geek. A geek. A guy who takes things apart for the sake of taking it apart, and builds programs that are already built just to completely understand their inner workings. I don’t argue it. I thought that I had a period where I was a nerd, which lasted until age 14 or so, then I became a jock type guy, then an angry drunk type guy, then a geek.

A friend, who has a memory like a steel trap, indirectly pointed out that my geekiosity extends further back than I am prepared to recall.

He pointed out something that I had completely forgotten about. When I was in high school and had my IBM PS/1 286 (a marvel of computing power at the time), I got it to dial into the computer at his house and set up a peer to peer BBS style chat. We lived within a mile, and the phone would’ve been much faster and easier, but not nearly as difficult to use. But then, the difficulty of use was the draw.

That brought up memories of logging on to Prodigy internet service when the “internet” was essentially a series of text based bulletin boards. There were no graphics, everything was in yellow and black, and if a post got a reply within a couple of days, you were the king of the internet. But we never called it the internet. We called it “Prodigy” or dialing into BBS’s.

Back then, I used to download lists containing page after page of BBS’s in my town and the surrounding area. If the number wasn’t a toll call, then my parents weren’t going to get mad, and I figured that I could call them. I would dial in, see what the thing was about, see if I could log in, and either cross it off the list or give it a check mark to lookup later.

Most of it ended up being useless, but there was one time that I thought that I had stumbled into a government BBS, by making up an ID/password. Once I got in, I got really scared, and shut the thing down and crept away expecting the FBI to bust in. God knows what the BBS actually was. It was probably nothing, but it scared the crap out of me.

That was what is considered “war dialing” today. Back then I wasn’t too sophisticated, and didn’t know how to make the PC dial on its own and log the results. I left that up to Matthew Broderick. All I knew was BASIC. And BASIC was rather useless unless you wanted to print “Hello, dork!” in a myriad of patterns and colors, or write ZORK games. I remember my cousin being able to make an 8 bit balloon sprite move around the screen, and we thought that he was a computing god. Today, I guarantee that you would be unimpressed, but back then, when compared to my Commodore 64, a 286 with 8k of RAM was a marvel. When compared to the Vic-20, it was incredible. When compared to the Timex Sinclair, it made me weep geeky tears of joy.

Yes, for a short period, I had a Timex Sinclair. It was the same computer that powered the Apollo missions, and it allowed me to play frogger on a black and white TV. That’s about all that it was good for, as it was 8 inches square and had 3 functions to every key. Maybe NASA knew how to run that thing, but I was useless on it.

And technology was growing by leaps and bounds. When I got a tape drive for the C-64, I thought that I was a king. I could back up my crappy “hello, dork!” programs (and later listen to the noise on a tape player), and program the biggest version of a ZORK! based game that the world had ever seen. Zork games were text based, and responded to typing. You typically would travel around, and find stuff. It went something like:

You are in a room. What do you want to do?
Go left
You can’t go that way
Go right
You can’t go that way
Go back
The Door is locked
Go north.
You are in another room.
Bite me.
I don’t know how to ‘bite me’
You suck
I don’t know how to ‘you suck’

I mapped out an entire Zork game on paper, and I was slowly getting it written in BASIC, but I lost interest in the poject before finishing because of one technological change: the receipt of a 5 1/4 in floppy drive. It was a mere foot long, and nearly 12 pounds, I thought that there was no way that it could get any better. It was a marvel of computing power. With the addition of that drive, I felt as if I had a full NASA lab in my house. I was no longer bound by the cartridge style games offered by the 64. Psst. No. I was free to play games on floppy!

And where would I get these graphical games? Where? Buy? Uh, I was 14. I had a crappy paper route, and the people paid me in pennies, and liked to go on vacation and stiff me. Download? The modem was screaming at 1400 baud. Where then? Copying. By 14, my friends and I had several software cracking programs that would defeat copy protection on the games, and we traded them at will. We had no idea that we were pirates. We just thought that we were clever.

Before that, I think I went outside and got shoved around a lot. And I thought that I only got geeky after the age of 22. I guess that I was a nerd, then a geek, and maybe someday I’ll actually be as cool as I thought that I had already been.

Arghhhh!

Spent 3 hours configuring a new linux box. It missed my network and sound cards, and had a power failure when I was 90% through the install. After jumping up and down and yelling “Fuck!” a few times, I shut it down, wept gently, and set it aside for another day.

Daily Governmental Issues

Homeland security has passed in the House, and now spying on you is officially Ok for the government. It’s all over the news, including CNET. You can urge congress to cut the crap via a fax from the ACLU. Or you can fax old Georgie directly. Ahh the ACLU, making a little progress against the man. There’s a ton of other faxes on various issues up there that you can send, if you’re so inclined. It isn’t much, but it’s something. It makes me want to become a lawyer and tear the system apart from the inside.

You might be able to make a small difference by contributing to, or becoming a card carrying member of the ACLU. Although, you may get put on a big list, and Uncle Sam may come to get you. Right after you sign up, be sure to join a militia, get yourself an AK, and change your name to John Bigbooty. Don’t forget to pick up some sunglasses and a fake mustache on your way to Montana.

On the other hand, have you given more to the man, or to those that are fighting the man? I have given more to the man. I have given to the man more by a long shot, and for a long, long time. What have I given to the people who are fighting the man? Nil. Zilch. Zero. So, I decided to try to slightly level the field in my own way. I should get my card in the mail at some point soon. I’ll give a t-shirt to anyone else that is stupid enough to join me.

One thing that I found funny was that the ACLU privacy policy says that it rents its mailing lists out to similar organizations. It’s the ACLU for chrissakes, and they are letting other people use your info.

Audacity: Geeky Fun

Audacity is a free sound editing tool that allows for multi-track recording, and a good bunch of effects. If you’ve ever searched for a sound editing tool, you know that even a basic program will cost you over $75. This has a few reverbs, a phazer, volume controls, noise reductions, etc. It’s simple, and it’s free.

Arstechnica & Twistedmods

I found another site for you. It explains everything computers, in depth. Want to know how memory communicates with the CPU? Yea, me too. Shut up, I skimmed it. It’s called arstechnica.com. If you want to mod up your PC into a freakshow, check out twistedmods.com. To me this is the equivalent of lowering your car and putting Japanese lettering all over it, but some of it is not only useful, but pretty cool. Turning lay people into geeks one article at a time…

Geek Project

Secondly, I would like to mention that I need an old broken VCR or CD player that you want to get rid of to build a PC in. The PC would then fit into the standard stereo rack and act as a component. Goals:

• Must store and play MP3′s.
• Must have an access mechanism of either remote control, or via the front buttons.
• Must have a VFD display that displays song title.
• Must have stereo out.
• Must autoplay MP3 and regular CD’s.
• Must be done at minimal cost with available components.

Ideas:

• Connect buttons to play, rewind, directly to the PC as an input output device possibly via cut, internal numeric keypad.
• Use a BGMicro VFD connected to Parallel port to display titles
• Use IPAQ guts for PC as the working area is very small.
• Control via X10 Firecracker and RF remote.
• Have a button that will rip the CD to the HD when pressed.
• Spend some cash and build a TIVO/Video library in

Resources:

• Serial to VFD how to
• VFD Parallel how to
• LCD parallel how to
• Parallel to LCD pinout

Who’s in?

CPU Magazine

Get a copy of CPU magazine. Seriously. I haven’t found a magazine more dedicated to real geeky stuff. From articles on XML and hyperthreading, to product comparisons, this magazine is really good. It is also every expensive at 7 bucks a pop, and available at Staples. So skip your latte and make coffee today. Or you can borrow mine when I’m done. Which should be right around Christmas. I think every geek that I have to buy for may be getting the same present this year. If you guessed porno, you’d be right on.

It’s a feel good movie with lots of physical comedy, and Wynnona Rider. Compared to the rest of Sandler’s movies (barring Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison) this was a gem. Compared to other comedies, it was average. A review that I read post mortem stated it pretty well:

“Mr. Deeds doesn’t suck it just could have been funnier…”

Solid B. (Link to IMDB)

Spent the day making sauce. It’s the first batch of the year, and it’s only been going for six hours, but it doesn’t taste right to me, yet. The pork has broken down pretty well, and the two ponds of sausages have been added, but I’m out of wine. I’m sure that it’ll all come together in the next six. I’ve been relaxing inside for two days, and thanks to weather, I don’t have to feel guilty about it. Sometimes I just need to sit, and if the weather is really good, I end up driving around trying to get things done, rather than enjoying doing nothing. I seek to “enjoy the day” and end up realizing that I would’ve enjoyed it more with a good book and complete disregard for hygiene.

The sauce should be done tomorrow night, and if you would like some, please e-mail me above. Three things: I have plenty, I’m not mailing it and there is a limit of enough sauce for two people.

So, I made sauce, sat watching movies, and played some video games. This isn’t to say that I didn’t get anything accomplished, though. I went out to get a winter hat, gloves, and a new set of hair clippers. Even though it’s pretty far, I headed for Wal-Mart because I was positive that they would have all three. I hate Wal-Mart. It might be the type of sweatpants wearing, pushy, heavyset, toothless freaks that seem to congregate there, or it might be the slow checkers and long lines. I don’t know what it is, but it produces a feeling that I don’t want any part of.

Yet, I spent twenty minutes deciding whether I would put on sweat pants expressly to go there, just to say I had done so. I was laughing like hell to myself, and eventually gave up on the idea, as none of the people would get it, wearing sweats there might become routine, and I would lose all my teeth and gain 100 pounds. I decided not to risk it, showered, and put on jeans like a normal person.

Last year, I got a ski mask there for a buck. It was $.96 before tax, to be exact. That is enough to make me go back this year. I lost a lot of stuff in the moves, and I’m not going to tear apart my storage space for a dollar. I wouldn’t do it for a Lincoln, I’m sure not doing it for a Washington. I opted for a regular knit hat this year, even though the ski mask is way funnier, and much warmer for my face when shoveling. The problem with the mask, when used as a hat is that the little eye holes let snow in. Because I wear it as a hat more often than a ski mask, I figured that I would go with the plain hat as my primary hat this year. I regretted my choice the minute I pulled into the 7-11, low on funds.

I picked up gloves, too. They were around $5, blue and black, and extend halfway up my forearm. They look like something a space gentleman might slap an insulting robot with. They are 100 grain fleece on the inside, so I figured despite the look of them, I made a good buy. And don’t think that if an insulting androids steps up, that I’m not prepared to use them to get into some intergalactic space duel. My honor will remain in tact.

I also picked up the clippers to extend the length of time between haircuts. A little trim of the neck beard, and you’ve saved a week. I also decided to start growing a really crappy beard like I do every couple of years when I forget how bad a beard actually looks on me. It’s been going for 3 weeks, and needs to be trimmed as evenly as an Asian teenagers mustache can be. Oh, well.

The goal is to grow a really long beard. A beard that moves when I talk. A beard that I can store things in. A friend. Wait, scratch that last one, and change it to “A beard that I can put rubber bands in like Lou Albano“. I’ll get tired of it long before then, though, I’m afraid.

Anyway, most of the clippers on display came with 27 attachments. Some clipers claimed “attachments” that were, in reality, posing as brushes, combs, tarps, and videos. One even came with a rotary nose hair clipper and a brush, and masqueraded them as attachments. I’m not sure how they would be attached to the clippers, and I wasn’t interested enough to find out. I just wanted a bunch of combs for different lenths, maybe a regular comb, and possibly a big blue jar of alcohol to store them in. I got what I wanted, and did it for under $20. Nice deal. The one I bought even has a video with it, although it doesn’t attach well to the clippers. It actually sort of gets in the way. I don’t have a VCR, but it looks like it could be entertaining.

My new clippers also have a turbo button. What the hell it’s for, I’m unsure. It says that it’s for tough to cut patches or something. I think they mean when you have to cut gum out of your hair or shave the dog. As I haven’t had gum in my hair since middle school, and I don’t have a dog, my only joy with the button it to press the button while holding the clippers straight armed above my haed and yelling, “TURBO!” It’s not useful, but it makes the button feel good about itself, rather than a useless marketing ploy. Poor button. Maybe I should try it with my space gloves on. I think I smell a super hero brewing…

Not a lot of panic, room for less predictability. C+. (Link to IMDB)

I got lunch with my aunt. That’s good.

I’m supposed to go to dinner with a friend, and he never calls. That’s bad.

I go to dinner with my Mom. That’s good.

The sausage pasta dish causes a lot of gas and cramping. That’s bad.

The waitresses are smokin’. That’s good.

The friend that I was going to dinner with is leaving for Sweden for good on Sunday and I probably won’t see him for a long, long time. That’s bad.

The friend showed up at the restaurant right after I finished dinner. That’s good.

The young, ever beautiful, endearing Swedish wife wasn’t with him. That’s bad.

We ended up going out after dinner. That’s good.

We ended up in a smokey bar. That’s bad.

The bartender was really nice, gave me a few free cokes, and blew me a kiss when I left. That’s good.

Two girls started hard core fondling each other in front of everyone, practically getting naked in the process. That’s uh…who cares? It happened. (Weeaww chicka weaaw chicka baw baw…Baw chicka baw baw…)

I got home at 2 AM without even close to an STD. That’s good.

I had to be up for work at 5 AM. That’s bad.

I woke up at 4 AM instead. Ugh, that’s really bad.

Jay, buddy, sorry to see you go. Maybe we can get a Swedish import/export business going once you get settled. In my opinion, the merchandise should be from 18-22 years old, and in mint or near mint condition prior to shipping. Uh, if you’re reading this, Jay’s wife, uh I’m referring to blonde Volvos.

I’ll miss you both.

This relates to an old proposal on taxes that no longer exists.

“Currently, 45 states have a sales tax and a complementary use tax. Under current law, retailers that sell to consumers in a state in which they have a physical presence – called nexus – are required to collect and remit sales taxes. Businesses that sell to consumers in states in which they do not have nexus, the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled, are not required to collect and remit use taxes. In this case, though, consumers still have the legal responsibility to calculate and pay the use tax directly to their own state. Under the streamlined approach, businesses would assume that responsibility.

The National Governors Association supports state efforts to pursue, through negotiations, the courts, and federal legislation, provisions that would require large out-of-state mail order firms to collect sales and use taxes from their customers. Such action is necessary to restore fairness to competition between local retail store purchases and out-of-state mail transactions and to provide a means for the states to collect taxes that are owed under existing law.”

-Proposal EC-12, National Governor’s Association

So, moving the taxes into the hands of businesses and out of the citizens control is a good thing for consumers, right? Wrong. Consumers will purchase tax free until forced. The state is looking to cash in. I admit that having a simplified tax code is a nice idea, but with this bill comes taxing of internet sales. This not only creates limits on interstate commerce, but it puts even more control into the hands of the corporations. Read: restriction of free trade.

It smacks of payroll tax deductions. By taking the tax out of the individual’s control, and giving no option to buy items without tax, we take the tax as a normal cost of doing business. If we are forced to pay the tax outright, we would be a lot more outraged. Americans would be up in arms if they had to write a check for a third of their salary at the end of the year, rather than being gently bled throughout the year.

As far as sales tax goes, you are being taxed on your income, and then being taxed on your purchases. You are being doubly taxed. You are supposed to be able to remit receipts at tax time to have the sales tax deducted from your income tax, but I don’t know of anyone who does this. Given the volume of purchases throughout the year, and the small nature of purchases, the government knows that most people will never do this. So, you get taxed twice.

Now, with the rise of the internet came tax free purchases from companies that do not have a physical presence (a nexus) in your state. This drives you to buy out of state from smaller companies, at the expense of your local business and the larger national corporations. You pay no tax, you deduct no tax, you’ve encouraged interstate trade, and the little guy gets a break. What about the little guy in your town, though? He’s getting rooked, right? Wrong. If I’m buying from Nebraska, then common sense dictates that some Nebraskans will be buying from my local vendor. What about the guy without a website? He’s getting screwed. No, not really. Most people look at the online price and then add in the shipping. If the shipping costs are higher than the tax cost for a similarly priced item, the consumer will buy locally. The consumer will also buy locally if there is a need for immediate gratification. With geeks, there usually is. No way will I wait a week for something unless I am getting a major break on price. Major breaks come from high priced items, where there is a ton of markup, anyway. Who loses, now? The little guy? Or the big guy?

If you said the big guy, you’d be right. The major corporations have a nexus in most states. For online sales, they have to charge the consumer sales tax. The little guy in Nebraska doesn’t. “Unfair! Unfair!” shout the big guys, even though their predatory pricing, volume discounts and tax breaks allow them to price their products far below the little guy. “Everyone should have to charge taxes, not just us. The playing field needs to be ‘leveled’ more towards us, Mr. Lobby. Call the governor”.

Oh, and according to estimates, states are losing billions in revenue needed for helicopter rides and haircuts.

If you disagree with EC-12, E-mail your governor. For MA folks it’s GOffice@state.ma.us Put your name, and your address (sometimes they discard the mail without these) and say you are in opposition to internet taxation as proposed in Policy EC-12. Streamlining State Sales Tax Systems Policy. It takes 15 seconds. Blog it. E-mail it. Get the word out.

I finished another book and added it to the books page. It was Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Me read crappy that book.

You Shall Now Be Called Bob

A friend showed me a picture that her youngest had drawn of her family. I noticed a ‘Mom’, ‘Dad’, ‘Sis’, ‘Me’, and ‘Bob’. After going through the names of her family members in my head while admiring the picture, I asked who ‘Bob’ was.

“She’s just learning to write and couldn’t spell Cody. So, he’s now Bob.”

You Can’t Be Jon

Another friend of mine has a young child of nearly the same age, who when asked what she wanted to be for Halloween next year said,

“I want to be Jon.”

Yea, she may have changed her answer to ‘SuperMan’ soon after, but I was worthy of a costume for a split second, and I was nowhere near the place.

I’m determined to finish another book tonight, and get it onto the *NEW* booklist page. I changed the page yet again to include a little quote that changes on each page load. Knowing this, you’re going to refresh the page a thousand times, aren’t you? Why must I do this rather than play GTA? Why?

Don’t Be Pete

The latest free project to anyone wanting to donate time/energy: Pete’s wife found an old CD player of Pete’s that doesn’t work. Like any self-respecting wife, she was going to chuck it. Like any self-respecting geek, Pete wants to keep it and make it into something. His idea was to create an MP3 Player/PC out of it that sits in his stereo rack and looks like a normal CD player.

• This must be done for free
• Pete’s wife may not learn of the project until completion
• front buttons must work as originally intended
• The sound outs on the back must work as intended
• The LED panel on the front should work if possible
• The device must have a way to change lists, load MP3′s
• Sound quality is not paramount

Let me know if you’re in…

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, ”I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”

”About 35,”he replied.

”I’m actually 47,” the woman said, feeling really happy.

After that she went into McDonald’s for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.

He replied, ”Oh, you look about 29.”

”I am actually 47!” she said, feeling really good.

While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, ”I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman’s age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age.” There was no one around, so the woman said, ”What the hell?” and let him slip his hand up her skirt.

After feeling around for a while, the old man said, ”OK, You are 47.”

Stunned, the woman said, ”That was brilliant! How did you do that?”

The old man replied, ”I was behind you in line at McDonald’s.”

My car trouble was the brake switch as I had determined. It took the dealer all day to figure it out. I told them what the problem was, they said to bring it in, and then they didn’t even have a brake switch in stock. If a man can explain taking apart his dash in detail, chances are he checked the fuses and the bulbs, and doesn’t need to know where the vanity mirror is. If he’s driving over an hour to get there, at least humor him enough to have the fucking part in stock before telling him to bring the car in. Don’t make him wait all day for a 15 minute fix. Oh, and if you ask if he wants the car washed and vacuumed, and he says, “Wow, great. Yes. That’d be great. Yea. Thanks,” that means “Yes.” Don’t offer and then blow it off. Hey, they picked me up and dropped me off at work, and the brake lights work. Can’t complain.

Although, I sat for 3 hours reading happily in perfect silence with seven or eight other people, until a well dressed woman in her late 20′s named Mrs. Gorgeous (no kidding) came into the waiting room. Her presence was as ill suited as her name. She was unattractive and pudgy, yet carried herself as if her stylish clothing were representative of her skin. She had big, gold hoop earrings, and a houndstooth coat. She entered from the doorway, and made a bee line for the TV.

She turned it on to a religious channel that was as loud and as unwelcome as she was. She then stood in front of it for a few minutes playing with the remote, as if trying to figure out which button Consuela pressed to get her TV working at home before giving up, grabbing a magazine and sitting down. Did I mention that the religious show is blaring? It is. Old guy steps in. He’s going to change the channel to the golf channel or somesuch, but can’t remember if this is the same type of remote that his son showed him how to use back in ’92. He stood there, inches from the TV, confused as hell, too. He gave up and shut the TV off. He left the room.

Back to reading. Everything going fine until the nice man from the office decides to help out, and puts the TV on NECN, so we can all enjoy some local cable news. No one looks. Then slowly, as if injected with barbiturates, certain people stopped mid page or mid stride to stare. Brains were shut down, mission was accomplished. It was at the right volume for ignoring.

Until Pudgy got up, blasted the volume, and sat back down to review the scintillating “sex secrets that every man wanted her to know.”

In this period, I covered nearly 150 pages. Proof that I need no outside entertainment, can ignore nearly anything, and may be autistic.

Site Crap
I’ve been playing with CGI all night, I’m tired, and I don’t have a hell of a lot in the way of blogging, today. I finished the Chomsky Book, which inspired me to put together a new books page, stealing all of the images from Amazon. It was going to be full of CGI and flaming logos, but I’m too tired for that right now. I link the images off of their server, so if they complain I’ll change the links to images I host. Until then, feh. Anyway, in the process, I found out some interesting little things. Amazons links are dynamic, and based on the ISBN number. The basic format is:

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0451524934.01._PE_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg,

where the number after the P/ is the ISBN. It works with all ISBNs it seems. Now, if you put a number after the PE like this:

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0451524934.01._PE90_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg, you get a little dot with a percentage off (90% in this case). If you add stuff after the PE:

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0451524934.01._PE_PIdp-schmoo2,TopRight,7,-26_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg,

you get a little guy on the top. I think he might be the Schmoo. There’s a few slightly different images of the book cover if you change the .01 after the ISBN…sometimes, too.

Dear Dorks
I found a new, free LAN analysis tool today: GFI LANguard Network Scanner from webattack.com. I was not only impressed with the scanner, but with the number of free tools webattack makes available. I need more hours in the day for this crap. And another set of eyes, as mine are completely decimated from working, fixing the neighbor’s computer, and then working on the site. I think I’m at the 12 hour mark. Time to shut it down and read the latest copy of CPU Magazine. I’ve never read it before, but it looks like the perfect magazine for dorks. I’ll let you know.

GTA4
Is awesome. If I only could find the time to really sit down and play it….

Jon is up pre 7:30, with coffee, no less. Today, he is going to get a thousand things done. NOt only is he going to get a million errands done, but he has noticed that his brake lights are out, and he is going to fix them. Foolishly, he figures it’s a fuse. He tears apart his house for his service manual, and can’t find it. Rather than travel to his storage space in Quincy (1.5 hours round trip), he checks every fuse…only to find it’s not a fuse. He inspects a tail light bulb. It looks OK, but for a buck, he figures he’ll buy a bulb. He drives to Weymouth (40+ minutes round trip). He gets a bulb. He goes home…to find that the original bulb was fine.

He starts tearing apart the house again for his service manual. It’s not to be found. He figures it’s at his storage space in Quincy. He drives to the storage space. He tears the place apart looking for his service manual, and hears a thunk in the process. He has his keys in hand, so he dismisses it and climbs out. No manual. He once again heads home.

He then tears apart the house for the service manual a third time. After an hour, he locates it at the absolute bottom of a box full of useless crap. He feels dumb. He reads that he should test the brake switch for continuity. He grabs his trusty digital multimeter (ta-dah!) and turns it on. It squeals. It dies. The batteries are no more. They are obscure batteries, too. He heads to Brooks, Stop & Shop, CVS, and eventually Staples. None have the batteries, but he buys some that are pretty close. He buys some paper that will allow him to make a T-shirt on his computer. His will say, “Why Me?” He heads home.

When he is nearly home, he looks at the car clock, which tells him it’s 3 PM. It’s 11. After a minute he realizes that he pulled the clock fuse. He goes to check his cell phone for the correct time…

Not there. The thunk he heard finally connected. As he was one foot on a pile of boxes, and one foot on a crate high above his piles of crap when he heard the thunk, he figured that his cell phone should be about dead-center-bottom of the entire 6 foot tall pile of shit that he calls his stuff.

He gets home, weeps gently, and sacrifices one of the more unfamiliar neighbors to the god of cars. He will get the phone later, when he is sane.

He puts the fresh, new, 2 hour journeyman’s batteries in the multimeter, and it says:

bleat

…and dies. Then it comes on. Then it dies. Then it comes on and stays on long enough to check the continuity of a screwdriver. It’s continuous. He adds more O.J. It’s more continuous.

He goes to his car and tears apart the dashboard, only to find that Japanese hands must be much, much smaller than his, because even with the dashboard apart, he can’t unhitch the switch, nevermind test it. He might be able to do it with some pliers, but the last time he used this as a child labor persuasion tactic, the brat nearly got him thrown in the clink. Then he figures even if it is broken, he isn’t exactly sure how to replace it, nor are any Acura dealerships’ parts departments open. It is now 4:45 PM.

Jon is broken. He eats an apple, a nutrageous, some cookies, and makes some tea. Rather than drive around with no brake lighs like he had been doing all day, he figures he’ll just sit back, relax…

…and unwrap that new copy of GRAND THEFT AUTO:VICE CITY that he accidentally purchased on Friday.

(All’s well that ends well.)

A friend had trouble using the ebonics phrase, “Word” today. It is an affirmation like “right on,” or “you got that right.” Don’t use it willy-nilly to mean whatever you want. Use it properly.

I know what you’re thinking: “Jon, I don’t live in, or even near the hood. Hell, I’m not even sure I know what ‘the hood’ even is. How can I learn all of those millions of ebonics phrases to impress my rap friends like Jimmy Jam or Silly P?” You, my friend, need to check out Dolemite’s ebonics dictionary. It’s all gravy, baby. Word.

Hijacked II
A couple of calls to Yahoo! headquarters, and I am within inches of finding out who hijacked my account. Beware, hijacker. I’m on to you.

Movies
With all the geopolitical heavy reading that I’ve been doing lately, I realized that I’ve been writing heavily, too. After laughing out loud at Chapter 5 in Sedaris’s Me Talk Pretty One Day, I thought that funny would be good. Laughter lightens. So, how about some short films? If they say adult content, it’s just swears…

• Mutual Love
• The Steven Seagal Show: On Deadly Time
• The Steven Seagal Show: Donkey Wounds
• The Steven Seagal Show: Scattered, Covered, Tortured!

Mom
My Mom asked me to stop using the foul language. Sorry, Mom. Sorry everyone. Sometimes the stupid cock faces…shit…I mean shoot…bad people that steal my fucking…uh..freaky e-mail accounts should have their motherfuckin’ nuts bitten off by…oops wait no, they should have bad…uh things done…I mean said to them…uh but, not too harsh, though…uh or something. Sorry. Fuck. Oh shit not fuck. No. Damn. I mean… Fuck it. I mean screw it. Damn. Darn. Sorry. Click here.

Archives
Just as I was about to hack a solution to the missing archives, they reappeared. All your favorites should be there. If you have any.

Hijack
Someone hijacked my mr_ozzyosbourne account recently. Yahoo won’t give me any info, as I am missing account information. I have a sneaking suspicion who it may be, and I will be requesting the logs on where the password change originated. I hope you did it at someone else’s house, motherfucker, because I’m going to track you down.

seeds
After my workout tonight, I sat eating pumpkin seeds and listening to whatever band pop radio was trying to get me to love, in the dark, rainy void that is currently my driveway. A few hours previous, I couldn’t have been there, as the flooding had closed off most of the streets in the area. But, by grace, I was there then, and I was calm. But, I wanted to just go. I wanted everything to fade into the rain, and leave me with a bright sunny morning tomorrow. None of that would happen, though, as my life would be a bore, and I might actually be lulled into the idea that my life were actually pointed in a direction for once, rather than running me through events the same way a moth is forced to traverse a field. So, I just sat there chewing seeds until my jaw ached wondering how in the world I get myself into these messes, and why there is no simple extraction, no simple, elegant solution to it all.

Solution
Ok, so everyone seems to like the Men’s/Ladies bar idea. Well, the guys do anyway. Another idea came to me today: Topless tutors. Oh, yea. The better you do, the better the tutor. It’s the best incentive to learn that I could think of, yet the most distracting. I’m going to call the business…

Tooters.

Why do all these ideas revolve around naked women? Please forward all investment capital care of Me, Hull, MA.

Vote
The illusion is that it matters. No matter what you vote for, the government will do what it will. You can’t change a thing, because the special interests have bought more votes than you could dream of, and no matter what a politician says, he’s looking only to line his pockets. Plus, if they don’t like your vote, they’ll dump it. The system is crooked, and you’ll never win.

The illusion is that it does not matter. The powers that be present you with such awful choices that it appears as if voting does not matter. They seek to keep you away from the polls, and encourage apathy because if you go there en masse, you can push them out of control. Abstaining from voting does not send a message. It gives the pigs exactly what they want.

Pick one.

Vote II
The rules:

• Vote for a cadidate, not against one
• If presented with one candidate, I will write myself in.
• If presented with a bunch of clean candidates and someone who is rough, I pick the rough. Rough around the edges beats polished to lie.
• Given the choice between legislating your life, and freeing you up, I will vote to free you. What is morally bad for you is of no concern to me.
• I don’t seek to be on the winning team. The winner is going to win, and I’m not going to vote for some asshole, just so I can say that I voted for the winning guy. Last time I checked, no candidate has given me a single thing in return for my vote.
• With Normal vs. nut, I’ll vote for the nut. The congress won’t let them do anything nutty, but it’ll be fun to watch them mix it up in the ensuing years. Plus, can they do any worse than the current breed of pigs?
• If given the chance, I’ll vote for the little guy, and put number 1 and number 2 in the toilet where they belong.

Vote III
I followed the rules and I got a lot of votes. When I am elected, I will give you all high paying jobs on the Pike. I also voted for legalization, and the end of taxation. Unfortunately, both mean a drop in revenue for the government, so neither will pass.

Cuba
In 1985, Cuba had 16,000 citizens working in 3rd world countries. This was more than twice the total of the Peace Corps. By 1988, it had more doctors working abroad than any other industrialized nation, and more than the UN’s World Health Organization. Most of this aid was uncompensated, because for Cubans, international service is regarded as a sign of political maturity.

Besides the fact that we have been unsuccessful in removing Castro over the last 40 years, and creating a “democracy” (read colony) in Cuba, why do we have the impression of Cuba as a tyrannical 3rd world country that we do?

“Democracy abroad must reflect the model sought at home: top-down forms of control with the public kept in a spectator role, not participating in the arena of decision making, which must exclude these ignorant and meddlesome outsiders, according to the mainstream of moderrn democratic theory.” -Chomsky, Market Democracy in a Neoliberal Order

I don’t think Castro likes our government’s idea of democracy. Plus he’s probably not too happy that U.S. policy has thumbed its nose at international law for 40 years by denying both food and medicine to Cuba. Denying countries trade is one thing, but food and medicine are deemed inappropriate sanctions by the UN…not that the U.S. government has ever given a rats ass what the UN says, unless they are on the side of the U.S.

The Gods Have Spoken!
Joe says that it would be a good idea if we open a strip club for men, and a strip club for women. And then we are supposed to put a bar in that connects the two so, that the patrons can make due with each other after watching the strippers. Everybody wins. This is why I need to have lunch with Joe more often. He’s always thinkin’.

Happy Anniversary!
One year ago today the Ex left me. I warned her that if she left, it would be over, but she went anyway to teach me a lesson. Lesson learned: Every cloud does has a silver lining.

Happy Birthday, Dad
My Dad’s birthday was yesterday. As part of his present, I am going to help him with a home improvement project in the near future. I gave him a tool belt and a note containing some of the details. His father and I are pretty good with technical fix-it stuff, but when my Dad got in line for personality, brains, and technical ability, he must’ve filled up on so much of the first two that he ran out of room before getting to the third. So, what did he do with the tool belt? He did the same thing that he did when I gave him a screw gun:

hour after hour of quick draws.

Brains
It’s good spending time with a good friend. It’s even better when the converstaion is not only fun and interesting, but intellectual. If I could only get more of those big brains in a room to share some ideas on how to avoid the rat race. I’ll put something together one day. Or, I won’t.

Jam cht Jam shewet shewet Jam cht Jam Master Jay
The first rap tape I ever owned was Run D.M.C.’s self-titled debut from Profile Records. It was groundbreaking in it’s genre, and I wore that tape out breakdancing on my cardboard boxes. It was about social issues and giant gold chains, rather than gangsters and guns. That was 20 years ago. On Wednesday, Jam Master Jay, the trio’s DJ, was shot and killed in his Studio in Queens, NY, leaving a wife and three sons behind.

Bye, Jam. Thanks for the beats.